therapy

yet another bad day. what's new huh?


kinda pissed at dad. sometimes he's just so... ugh. like, you want to be mad at him, but you don't have the heart to, cause it's not really his fault, but then again it is his fault, you know? idk. just feel so pissed off with no clue of what to do. i'm a walking travesty, can someone save me from my misery?

one more thing - it's a struggle, wanting so many things. sometimes I wish I could just be handed all the things I want. a new phone, my old phone, whatever i don't mind. i really really really miss my previous phone. can't help but feel miserable at the thought of it. makes me feel like i don't deserve good things. why do good things just slip through my hands like that? i hate it. i wish it was that easy, all my wants just given to me by my parents, but then again, part of me feels like i shouldn't burden them with my wants. yeah. what a good daughter right? not. it pisses me off too when they take this for granted. what am i rambling on. this has got to stop.

x.


"He says, 'Once you've seen a star, you've seen them all.'" "He's so wrong. You see a star, you'll want to see a billion more."


"His hobbies include smoking and clubbing, i don't think he is your type." 



x.
just a few things that's currently running through my mind..

oh can you tell? can you tell? can you tell just how sad i am?

you better shape up cause i need a man and my eyes are set on you.

so i mentioned in my previous post that I dyed my hair black/purple? here's a pic! haha. kinda love my hair man, look at the ends. SO NICE HAHA *self absorbed oops* i posted it on instagram before but stupid app couldn't fit the ends of my hair. boo hoo

life's been so so. yesterday was the office cute guy's last day. our department held a farewell lunch at Ming's. it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, not as awkward as i imagined. haha!! but i'm pretty sad he had to leave so soon. only three weeks together. T_T i'm gonna miss his eyes, those sparkling eyes. and the lame jokes he always make, sometimes to me but most of the time with other people in the office. and i'm definitely gonna miss his laugh, so loud and sometimes it gets kinda high pitched. sigh. all in all, i'm just gonna miss having someone to look forward to in the office. T_T (there aren't many motivations in the office fyi) 

i just hope three months pass by fast. :) 

and did you know? i found a new dream - London. 

i'm not happy

lalala deleted everything that i wrote. i complain too much. like seriously. just grow up and deal with your problems like a grown up!! which reminds me, i have to wake up for work in approximately 5hours. FML. *groans* *complains* *rants*



-_-

anyways, dyed my hair black with a hint of red/purple. kinda like it. it suits my mood lately, plus my lousy eyeliner (which apparently isn't so waterproof after all) smudges easily, which adds a little more goth to my overall look nowadays. but what can i say, i like it!! i don't want to be labelled as happy-go-lucky-melo.  cause I know i am anything but happy. i'm just too ungrateful, happiness doesn't last for me. I can get worked up over something, put my heart out and give it my all, but when the desire dies, i can just get up and leave without ever looking back. i don't think this is a good trait. i'd like to think of myself as the kind that finishes what I started. i guess nothing is perfect, and i am far from that. but you on the other hand....

well what can i say. let's just see how long this lasts. 

i have this problem..

"i have this problem where i isolate myself from civilization and then get upset because i feel lonely"

okay. very the emo tonight. i'm not particularly sure why, but i'm pretty sure i'll regret sleeping this late tomorrow morning. (i still have to work at 7am omg!) 

it's been a rough day, emotionally, for me anyways. i really can't help this feeling, idk why i'm feeling like this. I used to treat him as my comfort, thinking about him calms me, soothes me. but now, the sight of him makes me want more, so many things i want to know about him. his name, his age, his life, just.. everything about him. i sometimes imagine us sitting together, just talking, getting to know each other, laughing with each other, everything is just.so.perfect. i think my superb imagination is the reason for my sadness. -.- i'm actually serious. i think i'm just in a very bad mood, cause I know it's happening. i'm getting attached. to someone i don't even know! but i want to know him. but the window of opportunity just never presents itself. and even when it does, i'm too shy. fuck. like just fuck it. why am i like this, such a mess. why can't i be so pretty he sees me from miles away and be intrigued by me and want to know me more? why can't things just be easier for me? or more importantly, why can't I just be more realistic? why do I always like guys who are so out of reach? lmao. stupid. this is just one of the many stupid things i do in my life lah. just in case you wanted to know more about me. ha ha

i went shopping with sin khiew this afternoon. i think it's funny sometimes, how you were so sure you want to buy something, but when you return to the shop it just isn't as nice as you remembered. :( so yeah, didn't buy my bag OR wallet, just pants and a new top. haha. that kinda lifted my mood a little. i love new things <3 also bought a backpack from Zalora just now. :B i think shopping really does cheers my heart up a little. but i still can't stop thinking of the Nose bag just now. it was so perfect. as if made for me. :( but it's a whopping rm193.90. if i buy it then i won't have money left to save!! :\ i hate this kind of dilemma!! ughghg. i hope it's still there when i finally decide to buy it argh. :( :( 

so yah. first post in this blog where i actually treat it like a diary. haha. i think i actually felt better after writing this post. :) 

i'm positive things will get better, for me. besides, i have more important things to worry about. 

internship week #1!

what a week!! my internship started last Monday, so today is the end of my first week. so far so good, I guess? don't really dare write out a certain thing that happened that made me bu shuang in fear that someone from the office sees it, putting my intern status in jeopardy. aiyer. how leh like this? can't a girl swear/gossip/curse in peace? sigh. so i guess I'll just write out the good stuffs that's happened, leaving out the bad. but let me tell you this, the bad part is actually quite insignificant! but the person involved is very important because he's gonna write a recommendation letter at the end of my internship! HAHA. so ironic. I have to be in best behavior because he determines whether I pass or not, as that letter holds a certain amount of marks. walau eh *inserts swear words*  

first few days of internship was dreadful. i had absolutely nothing to do. a few talks to attend then that's it. plus I was like this awkward little penguin in the office, not knowing what to do when I meet new people. should I go over and shake hands? say hi? or just smile then look away. T_T i'm a social person but i really cannot make the first move!! :( 

anyways, supervisor asked me to do some reading for the first week and i obediently obliged. reading material includes a 141 page Microsoft word document, and I read it all. HAHAHAHA I FEEL BRILLIANCE AND INTELLIGENCE OOZING OUT OF ME ALREADY! 

(points to pic) yes, I even made notes while reading, i was that bored. haven't you ever been so bored you had no choice but to study? haha i'll ask mum to bring me to her office next time i'm preparing for finals -.- anyways, i even listed down the words which i don't understand and would google when I get home. never did. (¬_¬)

my red shoes! :D haha.

oh and did I mention there's this cute guy sitting beside me? but what's sad is being so close yet so far apart - our cubicles are placed that our backs are against each other, plus there's also a wall in between. so if i want to look at him, it would be too obvious. so usually I just peek at him through the small crack between the cubicle and the wall. HAHAHAHA *CREEPER* 

oops. i'm sorry i'm so hiao lah. but he's too cute. when he smiles at me oh my God a part of me flies to him and never wants to come back. and I realize sometimes when we talk his eyes, they are watery!! eeeee. so big. eeeeee. plus he's so tall. eeeeeeee. and handsome. eeeeeeeee. and this one time he wore all black and i'm like eeeeeeee. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i cannot control my hormones. HAHA. oh and did I mention a friend from curtin is interning there too? but he's under Mechanical lah, i'm in Process. anyways, I was kinda annoyed at him at first cause he's so hardworking, i'm like a sloth beside him -_- but yeah, turns out he's actually quite nice. i'm so bad lah thinking shitty things about him like that.!! and all he's been is supportive. for example, there was this one time I couldn't find anyone to help me connect to a printer, so of course I had to ask the ONE GUY sitting right next to me right? *cough* cute guy *cough* and I did and he went over to my computer and helped me. and said friend was sitting opposite my cubicle and I signaled over and gave him 'the look', and in return he gave me an approving look that says 'nailed it!' SEE HOW NICE THIS FRIENDSHIP IS? 

when me and the cute guy get married i'm gonna include him in my wedding vow, thanking him for his unconditional support. wahaha not forgetting an incident that happened just now. another girl flirted with the cute guy while PURPOSELY passing his cubicle!! so i went over to my friend's desk and said, "zomg did she hiao him?!" and he's like "yeah, she did. she even went over to scare him or something." me: "WHAT SHOULD I DO!" "you should make him coffee tomorrow." 

HAHAHHAHA 

it just doesn't get any better than this. 

P/s if you thought my internship post would be more insightful then i'm sorry i disappointed you! HAHAHA 

P/P/s no one noticed my stacked bracelets meh?! :(