"i'll be working on Christmas & NYE"
in other words, i miss you tonnes, dad. especially more today.. if you were still here you'd be the one hyping us all up in the car after church. you'll be singing Christmas songs, or mocking whatever the radio DJ is saying. then we'll probably stop by to get pork, or fish, and then we'll head home and you'll pull out the karaoke set and start singing away while drinking your liquor.
life was beautiful back then, wasn't it? we didn't realize how easily it can all disappear, just like that, no warning, no sign. just poof, you're gone. no home karaoke performance from my singer/actor wannabee dad anymore. no hinting Christmas gifts anymore. no sudden bursts of anger in the car on the way to church anymore. no more complaints that i spend way too much time with friends anymore.
my heart hurts. i'm listening to the saddest songs on YouTube while typing this, hoping to bleed out whatever sad emotions that are buried inside for too long and are starting to surface. no one needs to see this ugly, messy puddle of emotions that i am. Blessed Christmas everyone. Christmas just isn't the same without you here, dad. Will we ever be able to enjoy Christmas?
