Friday, 20 July 2012

so good

i've been overwhelmed with happiness lately. so happy, that sometimes I anticipate something bad to happen, to make it all fall apart, because i'm really not used to feeling so happy for so long. haha. but praise the Lord, i'm still happy. :)

tomorrow is my birthday. and for the first time in a very long time, i'm actually excited for it. *fingers crossed*

i still remember my birthday last year. the day before I celebrated with Jac and the gang at Station One, followed by KTV at Terminal. it was hell'a fun. however, on the actual day, I was working i think, forgot what job, and I had dinner with my family and also my uncle from Brunei. all throughout the night I was grump! I didn't smile, maybe forced one or two for the camera. I was angry because mum didn't want to buy me a phone. :|

I really didn't enjoy the whole time. and I regretted it the minute I went home. she just wanted me to save for it instead of waiting for special occasions and let them just hand it to me. I was ashamed, I let this little thing get to me and ruined my whole night, my birthday dinner somemore!

that's why I am very very grateful this year. everything is going well thus far - good grades, i have my dream phone now (thank God I finally made up my mind on what phone haha!), good friends who are still by my side (even though we've drifted apart but we made our way back yea hehe), i'm in good terms with my family, no more pre-birthday-emo or anything of that sort. i'm just plain...happy!

and can anyone tell me how accurate birthday wishes are? because if they really do come true then imma wish that I do get my ass into online business. haha. i already made a draft in my head, designing and editing the pics, with hello kitty here and there. haha. what kind of packaging i would use to send out the parcels. but I still haven't found an agent, and not really sure with the procedures, all of which are reasons i'm afraid of taking the risk. it is kind of a big risk, ain't it? what if it doesn't work? hmm.

i need a very powerful wish. xD


anyways, here are some of the more uncommon casings i've found and think are quite cute!.
really hope I have customers laaaa if not i'll be buying the casings and use them myself. apuhh.

 i want this ducky omg. hahaha

what do you think? is it a stupid idea, or should I go for it? :) 

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

可能我浪蕩讓人家不安 才會結果都陣亡

posting up a picture of me smiling, to let y'all know that i'm doing just fine. despite the posts, I just needed a place to rant. :) 

classes commence today! was reluctant to go to campus, as always. but today really shocked me. for the first time, I felt like I didn't belong. for the first time, I felt .. you know, like the little kid in school who everyone avoids. haha. okay maybe it wasn't that bad. just that I felt like things changed. everyone's not the same anymore. of course i'm not referring to ALL, just a certain people who made me feel a bit sad today.

never knew behind those smiles are actually hurtful words. idk. maybe i'm really too 吊儿郎当 that you people cannot take me seriously. or maybe you think i'm not an asset in the group but a liability. i admit i'm not the leader type, but i'm a good follower, a great one in fact! you give me a task and I'll do it, and if I don't know how I'll seek help or guidance from you. isn't that what friends are for? helping each other out?

but no. i'm not even given a chance. whatever. WHATEVER. honestly don't know why people can be like this. i curse you all. CURSE YOU ALL. UGH

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Looking for Alaska.

"but I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating."

it's beautiful how certain people are born with the gift to produce magic with their words. I always envy how easily they string words together, yet leave a deep mark in the readers hearts. i really hope my period's coming. cause I've gained weight, have weird emotional struggles with myself, and i've developed the constant need to eat! ugh. i say that i hope my period's coming because at least that way all this is justified, that i'm not just throwing a tantrum because I'm a spoilt brat who has to get what she wants. 

to say that the anger of today is without reason isn't exactly true. i've had my fair share of 'sad-for-no-apparent-reason-just-feel-like-being-sad' days, and today isn't one of them. i just feel under appreciated. i feel that i did quite well for my finals last sem, and all i wanted was a 'great job', or a pat on the back saying that i did well. but i got nothing. 

throughout the weekend it was all about my brothers, angry because they did something wrong and then pulling me into the 'blame list'. i'm sorry but what they do is up to them, i try and try but no one bothers listening to me. it was never my fault they decide to do what they do, they had a choice, yet they chose to do what they did. all i'm capable of is guiding them into the right path, and God knows I did. if you really think me saying him not to do this/that would stop him from doing it then you are wrong. no one give that much a damn about me, obviously. 

so i'm tired of constantly being put down. everyday use the same excuse to break the promises you made to me. i cried and cried and cried but nobody hears me but me. who am i to tell, who would understand how i feel? it's just so hard sometimes. you know, i slept the whole afternoon and it felt great, until i woke up and was reminded how much my life sucked, and i cried again. life was peaceful when I was asleep. why can't i just go to sleep forever? 

Saturday, 7 July 2012

somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way

blogging because it's 7/7. ahaha

 I read back on my previous posts, in my very first post in this new blog, i said that I'd try my best to make this blog a happier one, with less profanities too. haha. but look at the things I posted after. all angry, and sad, plus vulgarities all over the place. LOL!!

something weird I realized about myself, is that I feel this anger, unexplainable anger, like anything someone does triggers me and my mood is ruined. usually I blame it on 'that time of the month', but idk man. am I a werewolf? I've been feeling the anger lately and it's the full moon right? HAHA. first i'm a vampire and now I'm a werewolf. I must be Klaus' daughter wtf. (only Vampire Diaries fans will get this)

so anyways, 

i give up. I don't know how to blog anymore. sigh