Saturday, 16 June 2018

how do you save what does not want to be saved ?

what is this empty feeling and why is it visiting me more often and stays longer these days?

Tuesday, 24 April 2018

undern e a t h

 hello, from the other side.

issa mixed feeling kinda night. i miss everything and i'm doing my best to suppress everything, to keep it all below surface.

i don't want to stay stagnant, but at the same time, being tough is kinda... well, tough. i want things to stay the same, but i can't have that without myself staying the same as well. y'know what i mean? i want to be better than i was yesterday but i can't do that if i don't change my surroundings.

which is why i'm here.
but why am i so so sad?

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

won't you ?

“I love you more than my own skin and even though you don’t love me the same way, you love me anyways, don’t you? And if you don’t, I’ll always have the hope that you do, and I’m satisfied with that. Love me a little. I adore you.

Thursday, 22 February 2018

you make flowers bloom in the saddest parts of me

you're like that limited edition makeup i laid eyes on and couldn't stop thinking about
but didn't save up enough to get you on launch day
so I convinced myself I didn't need you, you're just a want not a need
days go by
and then people started posting pictures of you, glorious, pretty,
everything I need, maybe?
but it was already too late, you were already out of stock.

maybe if I needed you that much I should've just taken the plunge and spent my savings on you,
maybe I should've just dived without thinking of the consequences
maybe if I had taken a chance I wouldn't be in this predicament

wondering, pondering, thinking
if I had just splurged, would I be happier now? or would you be just another makeup in my pile.

I wish that were true.
and when I say that, I mean that
I wish you were like makeup
so easy to obtain, so easy to have.
All I had to do was save up, and you're mine.

but you're not makeup
you're much more than that

maybe you're that limited edition makeup I laid eyes on and couldn't stop thinking about
so I cashed out all my savings and went to the store to make you mine
but by the time I arrived
you sold out.

Tuesday, 2 January 2018


here we go again, another round of new year resolutions. gonna keep it super simple and reachable this time:

  • spend less on makeup, invest in skincare instead 
  • treat myself to facials, massages, salon hair treatments more often
  • reduce credit card usage, especially on shopping 
  • go jogging and hit the gym at least twice a week!
  • be more confident 
  • smile at strangers 
  • let things go, especially things that aren't meant for me
  • treat my family to dinner/lunch/or just snacks! more often 
  • increase my savings! 
  • stay in touch with friends instead of waiting for them to make the first move 
  • pray more
  • finish my puzzle
  • complete the 45-day leg challenge 
  • reduce cholesterol and uric acid levels!! 

i guess that's it. a few are really similar to last year's resolution. i don't think these are even resolutions, they're more like a reminder to myself to be better than what i am now. hehe 
it's a new year again, hopeful for bigger and greater things this year. 

Friday, 7 July 2017

blogging from my tumblr feed



Monday, 3 July 2017

everything starts and ends with .

who decides these things anyways?
who gets a say in how anyone should live their life in order to be considered successful?

and how exactly do you define success?
don't tell me by how much money someone has? by the amount of fake friends and happiness someone gains access to with their wealth?

idk. why are we all given such standards to live by? who who who is a xxx, you have to be that and above, nothing less. who's to say what profession you are determines who's more superior? who made all these rules and why are we abiding by it?

who else is pushed into society's pressure and is enrolled in a course they're not even sure of, just because according to society "it will bring you a good future".
what's a good future if you're dead inside. if you're not happy with what you are. or what if the good future that's promised never came?

yeah. let that sink in and tell me whether conforming to what everyone else is doing is what this life is all about. but hell, how many of us would actually break the rules and live by their own rules?