Thursday, 22 February 2018

you make flowers bloom in the saddest parts of me

you're like that limited edition makeup i laid eyes on and couldn't stop thinking about
but didn't save up enough to get you on launch day
so I convinced myself I didn't need you, you're just a want not a need
days go by
and then people started posting pictures of you, glorious, pretty,
everything I need, maybe?
but it was already too late, you were already out of stock.

maybe if I needed you that much I should've just taken the plunge and spent my savings on you,
maybe I should've just dived without thinking of the consequences
maybe if I had taken a chance I wouldn't be in this predicament

wondering, pondering, thinking
if I had just splurged, would I be happier now? or would you be just another makeup in my pile.

I wish that were true.
and when I say that, I mean that
I wish you were like makeup
so easy to obtain, so easy to have.
All I had to do was save up, and you're mine.

but you're not makeup
you're much more than that

maybe you're that limited edition makeup I laid eyes on and couldn't stop thinking about
so I cashed out all my savings and went to the store to make you mine
but by the time I arrived
you sold out.






Tuesday, 2 January 2018

2018

here we go again, another round of new year resolutions. gonna keep it super simple and reachable this time:


  • spend less on makeup, invest in skincare instead 
  • treat myself to facials, massages, salon hair treatments more often
  • reduce credit card usage, especially on shopping 
  • go jogging and hit the gym at least twice a week!
  • be more confident 
  • smile at strangers 
  • let things go, especially things that aren't meant for me
  • treat my family to dinner/lunch/or just snacks! more often 
  • increase my savings! 
  • stay in touch with friends instead of waiting for them to make the first move 
  • pray more
  • finish my puzzle
  • complete the 45-day leg challenge 
  • reduce cholesterol and uric acid levels!! 

i guess that's it. a few are really similar to last year's resolution. i don't think these are even resolutions, they're more like a reminder to myself to be better than what i am now. hehe 
it's a new year again, hopeful for bigger and greater things this year. 

Friday, 7 July 2017

blogging from my tumblr feed


 

indifferent.

Monday, 3 July 2017

everything starts and ends with .

who decides these things anyways?
who gets a say in how anyone should live their life in order to be considered successful?

and how exactly do you define success?
don't tell me by how much money someone has? by the amount of fake friends and happiness someone gains access to with their wealth?

idk. why are we all given such standards to live by? who who who is a xxx, you have to be that and above, nothing less. who's to say what profession you are determines who's more superior? who made all these rules and why are we abiding by it?


who else is pushed into society's pressure and is enrolled in a course they're not even sure of, just because according to society "it will bring you a good future".
what's a good future if you're dead inside. if you're not happy with what you are. or what if the good future that's promised never came?

yeah. let that sink in and tell me whether conforming to what everyone else is doing is what this life is all about. but hell, how many of us would actually break the rules and live by their own rules?

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor *uncontrolled fangirl mode*

-spoiler alert- 
just a silly rant post by yours truly. 

needless to say, i've watched Wonder Woman and am currently tending to my Steve Trevor/Diana Prince almost-love-story hangover. gahh i mean, it's Chris Pine!! beautiful, beautiful Chris Pine. *swoons*


this may be just me, but i like a little love story in these superhero movies. but as it is a superhero movie after all, there has to be more world saving/kick ass battling than the mushy love stuff. which i think is balanced perfectly in the latest Wonder Woman movie. I mean it really helped that Wonder Woman's lover is Chris Pine. :p


i mean, look at him? looking so fine and all.


anyways, i loved them together in the movie!! *fan girl squeal*

from the moment they met, how Diana so innocently tells Steve how she was made from clay by Zeus himself as if it were the most natural way to be brought to life. and Steve obviously in disbelief, eyes widened and just says "that's neat" hahaha. the chemistry was there, and it was funny.

i liked how the movie brought them together. they're both pretty attractive (duh) but i love how the movie didn't emphasize on the whole "love at first sight oh you're the one" crap. nope. they got to know each other slowly, and in the scene where Chris brought Gal to pick out new clothes to fit in, you can see from the way he looks at her that he's obviously attracted to her but tries to control it and wants to make her stand out less, him being a spy and all. if it were a love story, i bet they would've created this scene in slow-mo, haha but i guess they can't do it in a superhero film as it would be weird. but i'm glad they didn't exclude it.

fast forward to the fighting scene. they were at the front line, Wonder Woman sees all the distraught war victims and wants to save them all. Chris insists that there are limitations and that you can't save everyone that it's impossible and that they have to keep moving forward. WW was angry and ditches them and goes forward. Chris, of course, had no choice and followed suit, risking his life, battling beside her. (not everyone has superhuman agility and bullet-reflective shields fyi wonder woman.)

ANYWAYS, at this scene WW turns and sees Chris beside her and she smiles. that too is a show of affection and you can feel them growing closer.

fast forward to them winning the battle and celebrating in the small town with drinks and songs and dancing. So Chris asks her to dance and they did. standing closer than ever, wooooooo. i can't remember if they kissed here, i think they didn't. but they did kiss when they got back to the room. yasssszzzzz.



but boohoo, it was fast forward to world-saving again and they were back to business.

anyways, long story short they were fighting different battles - WW with Ares and Chris & team trying to stop the plane loaded with poisonous gas from taking off. so Chris came up with a -not so brilliant- plan on how to stop the plane. yah know. sacrifice and all that shit for the greater good. WHY THO?!

on the other hand, WW was losing badly she lost her sword and all and i was like tf is she gonna beat the God of War with?? lol. so as she was thrown to the ground by Ares, Chris squeezes in time, runs up to her, and says the sweetest thing that made my heart feel so whole and also so broken BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. like how is that possible but yeah it happened.

he said something like this:

Steve: I have to go.
WW: where?
Steve: the plane, i need to stop it.
WW: I can do it. let me do it.
Steve: No. it has to be me. Let me save the world today, and you save the world tomorrow. (refering to Wonder Woman's battle with Ares)
*Steve places watch in WW's hand*
Steve: I wish we could've had more time.
           I love you.

(this is purely from memory i'm too lazy to Google the exact lines, but now that i've typed it out it just sounds weird LOL but i can't find them anywhere on the internet darn)


and off Steve goes on his suicide mission to save the world from the poisonous gas. :( i half wished Wonder Woman would save him but i guess we can't all get what we want. SIGH.
so there WW lay on the ground, watching the plane Steve was on light up in flames in the sky. she screams and suddenly she had all the power in the world to kill Ares. lol i guess it takes losing someone you love to gain some extra power you never knew you had. BOOOOHOOOOOOO.



adding this pic of half naked Chris to cheer myself up as i'm getting a little too emotional for someone who saw the movie 24 hours ago.


so to end this rather pointless post of mine, i just want to say that i love how Wonder Woman pushes Steve to be brave, to fight for what is right. and i love how Steve taught Wonder Woman how important love is, that it may be just what the world needs to save itself. in a way, even though it was Wonder Woman who led men into battle, it was a particularly brave man who gave her the strength she needed to finish off the battle.

"thanks for bringing him back to me" - Wonder Woman writes to Batman in present time as he sent her a copy of the original photo taken of her and Steve Trevor, and also his watch. :)



love love love. can they do a spin off to this love story? so at least i can drool a little while longer at Chris Pine. on the other hand, i don't mind Wonder Woman with Batman. hahha!!!

-end-



Thursday, 27 April 2017

selfish

Asking you to carry me I stayed ignorant to your needs. Love wasn’t what I gave you it was weight: a heavy dose of sorrow and pain to blame for my mistakes. I wanted to be better, and some days I think maybe I was. My love was never for you; it was selfish. It was rushed. I wanted you to need me; I’m afraid I always willbut you’ve seen real love now. Selfish just won’t do. You’ve done better than outgrow me; you left me high and dry. You knew exactly what I needed to open up my eyes.

- Mariah Gordon-Dyke


saw this piece on facebook. it's so beautiful i just had to have it up on my blog. :)

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

v o i d

it's tearing me apart that nobody makes me feel anything anymore. since when did my heart stop skipping ?

i'm back to where i've tried and tried and tried to avoid. i'm exasperated. i can't do this anymore. no matter how happy i am, how much i try to focus on the good, i always come back to this.

this empty feeling like i can never be truly happy
this hollow in my heart like i can never be whole, that i can never belong because i'm not normal. who gets this sad this often?
this void inside that i can feel so strongly, like i can just reach out and grasp it.


i feel numb, numb of all the emotions swirling inside of me that i don't feel anything. does that even make sense? when everything inside of you goes haywire, bursting of sadness and anger and confusion and whatever emotion there is out there to feel, i don't know. i just stop feeling things. it's like everything is moving but i refuse to. i stand still, when everyone else is moving forward.

oh God.. this has got to stop. i have got to stop feeling so shitty about myself and start living my life. how many days of work am i behind?!

i can't keep up
i can't breathe
but instead of doing something about it, i find myself staring into the abyss, not giving a fuck about anything. just let me crash and burn, at least that'll make me feel something.