Thursday, 24 October 2013


hi, i just got home from Coffee Bean. it was assignment night.

halfway through, i received a text message from mum saying that my dog - Raven is sick, probably from the rain the past few days. mum also mentioned that she tried petting my dog and she let her, but suddenly bit my mum.

so i went home, and surely i noticed something wrong with my dog. when i opened her cage, instead of running out of the cage like a mad lady and jumping onto me and licking me at the same time, she just stood up slowly, and walked out of the cage. :(

so i brought her food and her water to the porch, so she could maybe eat during the night. and i tried petting her, she did lick me. but surely as mum said, she suddenly got angry and bit me. :( so i held back a little, not knowing what to do. tears immediately filled my eyes as i think back on the times i've neglected her. all the times I spent with my cat instead of my dog. and i just feel so so so bad. as I stood on my porch with tears in my eyes, all I could do was look at my dog, she was looking at me too. with a sad look on her face, but she wouldn't come to me. I don't know what happened, or what's going through her mind. and I sure as hell didn't know what to do about it.

in my mind all I could think about was how bad I feel about how I treated my dog. how i've taken her for granted yet she still comes to me every single time. no hate, no grudge, just pure love. and I had the nerve to feel annoyed 'cause she'd jump onto me and dirty my clothes. just thinking of my actions makes me sad. I feel like such a bad owner for neglecting my dog like that.

and all this just pisses me off.

why do we only know how to regret once something is taken away from us?
why do we only appreciate something once it's gone?
why do we take for granted all the little things in life, then when you realize you may never have it again, only then you realize these little things worth more than what you viewed so highly.

all this is useless anyways. no matter how sorry I feel, it won't change the way I treated my dog. I just hope she gets better soon so I can make it up to her... 

Tuesday, 22 October 2013


"I never let myself need anybody because people always leave. 
I never let myself trust anybody because they always let you down.
And I never, ever let myself love someone because I know they'll never love me back. 
So I end up pushing people away whenever they get close, because it's so much easier to choose to be alone than to be made to feel unwanted."
- Tumblr

Monday, 21 October 2013

sweeter than fiction

read a post on 33 most beautiful abandoned places. and just... wow. these two pictures are stunning. :D 

yet still so beautiful

in an eerie way. 

imagine how these buildings must've been before
 with all the shining lights
 happy screams of laughter
people walking around. 
it was beautiful. 

but even now when it is abandoned and empty and alone
it is still..

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

if i were a poet

see through my eyes
and into my soul
now tell me

is my heart sad

just plain cold?

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Forgetting September

been visiting tumblr quite frequently lately, and it never disappoints. :) 
i love how posts made by strangers can relate so much to my own thoughts, feelings and situation. isn't it nice knowing that someone out there is feeling just the way you are? i find great comfort in that actually. 
the post above is a great example. 

i don't think i love very many things but here are the ones that i can think of:

i love the first sip of coffee in the morning

i love reading someone else's words and finding a connection in them

i love the feeling a good song invokes

i love wondering

i love driving at night with no destination

i love the gentle kind of sadness like a reminder that I can feel

oh look, it's October
with this new month, let me throw away all the old, to make space for the new
to new beginnings.