every now and then the stars align

...and you can either be over the top happy.. or depressingly sad

so how am i feeling now.. i feel unappreciated. honestly, i don't think i am wrong at all! i did nothing wrong, why did you have to lash your anger out on me? i did everything you wanted me to, ever since i was a little girl. study hard, learn the piano, take up engineering. what did i do that isn't your will? what you wanted?

every expectation you want i give, and yet it is not enough. at first you were proud of me, but eventually, you grew weary of my 'good', and soon my 'good' is not good enough. don't ever think i'm not aware, you just want me to be your idea of perfect. but i'm sorry i'm not, i'll probably never measure up to what you want me to be, but am i not good enough? trying my best to please you all these years, and now because of one small fault, i'm asked to pack my bags and leave?

maybe, maybe one day i will. i'll leave and we'll see whether anyone self can satisfy your level of good, 'cause i sure as hell am not, and never will be good enough. 

if you ever come back

“

you were in love when I met you
and I was just a silly girl who needed to learn how to breathe.
I watched you fall apart the summer after she broke your heart
and I would have given everything I had to keep you together,
to give you the breath I had so desperately just gotten back.

you don’t know this,
but I would go mute, everyday for the rest of my life,
as long as I could hear your voice, have your hands in mine, 
and know what it feels like to have you love me
the way that I love you.

if the power went out all over the world,
I would pack a bag and spend my days walking towards
you. 
you are who I think about when everything goes dead
when everything breathes life
when everyone forgets.

”

—	Amanda Helm - You don’t know this  this is beautiful. people who can write such sad words inspire me. I wish i'm half as talented as them.

because i'm feeling a little less than i should

"

1. Always take pictures of the sky when it’s pretty, it probably won’t ever look like that again.
2. Wear that skirt you like, even if you’re mom says it’s too short.
3. Take off the dark eyeliner and nail polish once in a while, you’ll feel lighter.
4. Chop off your hair if you want, it will grow back eventually.
5. Count the freckles on your arms and draw lines between them, your skin is like the night sky.
6. Sleep under six blankets with the fan on high in the middle of the winter, the sound is soothing.
7. Tell that boy to stop touching your thigh, even if it is flattering.
8. Say thank you and flash a smile when your sister says that your outfit is ugly.
9. Raise your hand when you know the answer, even if the class is all upperclassmen.
10. Read that book again, you’ll notice something you didn’t the first time.
11. Don’t drink too much caffeine, you’ll get the jitters and bomb your math test.
12. Wear pencils behind your ears, it’s convenient.
13. Try to talk to people, it won’t kill you.
14. When a cute boy tries to cheat off your test, write the wrong answers and change them later.
15. It’s ok to feel happy, don’t let other peoples sadness make you feel bad.

"

- advice for sad teenage girls that own too many flannels

xx

i got this post from tumblr. and something about it just suits my mood.
i've been feeling so suckish lately, and it seems almost impossible to get back up on my feet. i'm sorry to all the people who had to endure my rants, God knows i never wanted to burden you with my sorrow, i just needed a release :(

i'm expecting better days ahead. please come soon.  

Halloween 2013

as promised, a post on how we celebrated Halloween this year! ^_^

so normally on special occasions which require dressing up, i would just plan on attending parties but in the end i'd just ditch the whole idea 'cause i'm so lazy to dress up. D: but this year, things were different cause i was forced to go! hahaha 

yeah, my friends dragged my lazy arse to attend the Halloween party held in PBC. it's the club where we always go for gym, which has sort of in a way became our second home. to some of us that is. 

we did our make up at Tzu's house. i watched a few of Michelle Phan's make up videos beforehand, on zombies and vampires. so i followed her instructions and drew contours for my nose but i think i just ended up smudging my face LOL! 

so anyways this was how it turned out. idk why i just can't pull off the eye shadow look. i don't know how to make it look dramatic cause i always end up looking weird. :\ 

while i was busy fussing over my eye shadow and dealing with smudges here and there, the two were already halfway done with their scary make up!! and they look wayyy scarier than me!! T.T 

when Tzu was done, she came into the room, looked at me and said, 

"Melo you're not scary enough. you just look like a pretty vampire." 

*BLUSHES* HAHAHA

so she drew the dark circle around one of my eye like Cass, and half a mouth haha. 

thankfully she did though cause i wanted to wear my skeleton tights

look at the three of us awwww 

okayy some camwhore shots before we went for the party.

the place was nicely decorated. nice as in spookily of course ;) 

look how scary this pic looks! it's unedited btw ngehehe

it looks like a deserted house that screams "do not enter" 

and the best part was the costumes the people wore! i think cause most of the people there were ang mohs (i think we were the only asians wtf except Tzu she's half angmoh ugh) they're like mad skillful when it comes to costumes!!!!!

a couple came dressed in bathing robes and green masks on their face. haha! so creative. 

quite a lot of them dressed up as Dracula, with the cape and all, and some were zombie brides. :D 

oh oh, there's this guy who dressed up as the Tooth Fairy! with the poofy skirt and wand and all. hahah

 i still don't think i look scary at all. more like a kid who had chocolate before the party and thus the stains at the side of my mouth zzz wtf

 whereas these two look scary as fuck. no fair!! :(

this is the room

where white things glow! Haha

it's also the only part with aircond hahaha so we spent most of the time in here LMAO 

zombie bride alert! 

love potion, anyone?

people dancing to the band 

spot the tooth fairy!! 

okayy lazy to blog. nothing much to write also hahahahahaha just pictures then hehe

okay. that is all. 

bye bye 

omg

omg Tyler Lockwood 
how my heart flutters at your comeback
(lmao i don't even watch the series i'm way too lazy i just saw gifs on tumblr hahhaha but dayumm this boy is fine)

hello

posting a selfie cause it has been awhile since i did! 

first time dressing up for Halloween, gonna write a blogpost on it when i'm free. hehehe but for now, i'll just leave this post with this pic, ngehehe. i don't want y'all to forget how i look mmkay :) 

that's all. anymore slacking and i won't have enough time to finish my assignments. (who am i kidding i know i'll just go back to tumblr after this post HAHA) 

ciao~ 

P.s
my cat's been missing for a few days now. I'm counting the days til he gets home. if he doesn't come back in a week, i'll fall apart. i already am. bit by bit. please come back. don't blow out my last candle of hope. 

ddfsdf

hi, i just got home from Coffee Bean. it was assignment night.

halfway through, i received a text message from mum saying that my dog - Raven is sick, probably from the rain the past few days. mum also mentioned that she tried petting my dog and she let her, but suddenly bit my mum.

so i went home, and surely i noticed something wrong with my dog. when i opened her cage, instead of running out of the cage like a mad lady and jumping onto me and licking me at the same time, she just stood up slowly, and walked out of the cage. :(

so i brought her food and her water to the porch, so she could maybe eat during the night. and i tried petting her, she did lick me. but surely as mum said, she suddenly got angry and bit me. :( so i held back a little, not knowing what to do. tears immediately filled my eyes as i think back on the times i've neglected her. all the times I spent with my cat instead of my dog. and i just feel so so so bad. as I stood on my porch with tears in my eyes, all I could do was look at my dog, she was looking at me too. with a sad look on her face, but she wouldn't come to me. I don't know what happened, or what's going through her mind. and I sure as hell didn't know what to do about it.

in my mind all I could think about was how bad I feel about how I treated my dog. how i've taken her for granted yet she still comes to me every single time. no hate, no grudge, just pure love. and I had the nerve to feel annoyed 'cause she'd jump onto me and dirty my clothes. just thinking of my actions makes me sad. I feel like such a bad owner for neglecting my dog like that.

and all this just pisses me off.

why do we only know how to regret once something is taken away from us?
why do we only appreciate something once it's gone?
why do we take for granted all the little things in life, then when you realize you may never have it again, only then you realize these little things worth more than what you viewed so highly.

all this is useless anyways. no matter how sorry I feel, it won't change the way I treated my dog. I just hope she gets better soon so I can make it up to her... 

-

"I never let myself need anybody because people always leave. 
I never let myself trust anybody because they always let you down.
And I never, ever let myself love someone because I know they'll never love me back. 
So I end up pushing people away whenever they get close, because it's so much easier to choose to be alone than to be made to feel unwanted."

- Tumblr

sweeter than fiction

read a post on 33 most beautiful abandoned places. and just... wow. these two pictures are stunning. :D 

abandoned

yet still so beautiful

in an eerie way. 

imagine how these buildings must've been before

 with all the shining lights

 happy screams of laughter

people walking around. 

it was beautiful. 

but even now when it is abandoned and empty and alone

it is still..

beautiful. 

if i were a poet

see through my eyes

and into my soul

now tell me

is my heart sad

or 

just plain cold?

Forgetting September

been visiting tumblr quite frequently lately, and it never disappoints. :) 

i love how posts made by strangers can relate so much to my own thoughts, feelings and situation. isn't it nice knowing that someone out there is feeling just the way you are? i find great comfort in that actually. 

the post above is a great example. 

i don't think i love very many things but here are the ones that i can think of:

i love the first sip of coffee in the morning

i love reading someone else's words and finding a connection in them

i love the feeling a good song invokes

i love wondering

i love driving at night with no destination

i love the gentle kind of sadness like a reminder that I can feel

x

oh look, it's October

with this new month, let me throw away all the old, to make space for the new

to new beginnings.

lately

pictures speak a thousand words

therefore my post is worth six-thousand words. ;) 

okay

it's like you're so used to the idea of being alone for the rest of your life, that you just brush off any possibility of being with anyone, ever.
i don't picture myself getting married and having kids anymore.
the rare times i do visualize my future, it's just me living successfully despite being alone, and giggling and smiling at other people's cute kids, and actually be okay with all of it.

as a matter of fact, i think i am okay with the idea of solitude.

even though you seem so close to me right now, i just don't know how to reach out and grab you. so i'll just stand back and watch you be happy with someone else, and i promise i'll be okay with it. 

so

but sad girls fall in love with boys.

:)

"excuse me, what is the problem with both of you? okay it's mooncake festival. eat, have fun. eat, eat eat eat eat eat. and just eat. okay? don't give no damn about no one i swear. okay? what to do? our life is like this like this lo. huhhhh"

"and by the way, the girl that x bring is not fair, not pretty and not tall. she's like a short midget shit that walked from China to here like an immigrant and then she walked around the road and then she just end up at x house and x was forced to bring her to the gym for two days because she sleptover at his house and he's trying to get rid of her okay. ugh"

the things friends say to cheer you up. aww
this made me laugh. thank you :) 

beautiful

Serendipity - "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; a fortunate mistake. 

Specifically,

 the accident of finding something good or useful

 while not specifically searching for it

having one of those nights again. I feel like crap. but lucky me for having a funny classmate cheer me up. 

I don't want to feel this way, and I certainly don't want to need to feel this way. y'know?

why can't I be those super pretty girls who turn heads wherever they go? then maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to capture your attention and who knows? your heart.  

1D on replay

so baby if you say you want me to stay i'll change my mind

kill me now

for all the times i was down, you have been there. 

thank you tumblr for your posts. i really needed it. <3 

growing old

we had a workshop the other day, topic of the day was "Presentation Skills".
the lecturer giving the presentation was Ms Esther, she's really fun going and open minded. haha and honestly I see a lot of me in her, especially the "OMG"s and "ooh nice butt". hahah!! YES!! she is damn funny and fun.

okay so at the end of the session people were selected at random and they were to do impromptu presentations! *yikes* and yes I was one of the chosen. pfft

so one of the topic was "would men marry older women and why"
that got everyone into a debate, and the lecturer was really anxious for an answer cause she was really curious on the guys' view on this.

she asked: "ladies, do you mind looking older than your husband?" and of course all the girls nodded. haha
so now it was the guys' turn. "do you mind your wife looking older than you?"
most of them stuttered, not knowing what to answer.

in the end, the lecturer asked a guy sitting at the corner, who was quiet throughout the session. she asked him, what his thought on the topic was.

he said: "it's really hard to answer. if you date an older girl but the maturity isn't there, or a younger girl who's too mature. I think if it's right, it's right. the age doesn't have to matter."

"but do you mind if your wife looks older than you?"

"... just because people grow old, doesn't mean you stop loving them. do you stop loving your mother just because she's older?"

oh my gosh, I swear an invisible tear fell down my eyes that day. that was the sweetest thing i have ever heard. just, beautiful. :')  

MAKE ME ADMIT STUFF

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

*checks text message* umm no? hahaha she's practically a stranger xD

• 2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
FALSE
• 3. Have you taken someones virginity?
noooooo
• 4. Is trust a big issue for you?
yeap. kind of, in a way. i guess?
• 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
uhh, you mean, like-like? HAHA cause I don't think so. Harry Styles is too busy for Malaysia >:(

• 6. What are you excited for?
nothing, really. I'm excited for the nothing i will do later on
• 7. What happened tonight?
• hmmm nothing?
• 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
• depends on what they do when they're wasted. flashing and grinding are too much for me I guess? 
• 9. Is confidence cute?
• definitely
• 10. What is the last beverage you had?
• does yoghurt count? if no then I had Ying-Yang for lunch
• 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
• not many. 
• 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
• but skinny jeans are for skinny people >:( 
• 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
• study? HAHA pfft
• 14. What are you going to spend money on next?
• hmmmmmmmm most probably that spike sweater that I've been eyeing for quite a while but still haven't bought?????????????????????
• 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
• noooo
• 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
• can I be like, hot? 
• 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
• mmmmm, I rarely talk about things though. 
• 18. The last time you felt broken?
• few days ago when I was having PMS lol 
• 19. Have you had sex today?
• with the yoghurt i just had, yes.
• 20. Are you starting to realize anything?
• that i'll probably end up not doing anything productive this whole afternoon? yeah I kinda knew that would happen. 
• 21. Are you in a good mood?
• so so :) 
• 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
• how about no 
• 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
• yeassss 
• 24. What do you want right this second?
• Harry Styles to tell me he loves me and that he's been searching for someone like me all his life. 
• 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
• i'm happy for you :') 
• 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
• nope
• 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
• if I can make him laugh then why not? :) 
• 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
• i forgot D: 
• 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
• maybe a little bit. 
• 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
• i believe so. 
• 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
• nahh
• 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
• i doubt Harry Styles saw my tweets to him. hahahahaha 
• 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
• ehhhhhh yeah
• 34. Listening to?
• Davichi - Because it's You. i'm in love with this song so very much 
• 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
• yessss
• 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
• noooo
• 37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
• yea i do. but only the one sided kind lol 
• 38. Who did you last call?
• katty
• 39. Who was the last person you danced with?
• idk :( 
• 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
• during a friend's birthday ? 
• 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
• no D: 
• 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
• i can't recall haha 
• 44. Do you tan in the nude?
• yees HAHA 
• 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
• nah
• 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
• no T_T
• 47. Who was the last person to call you?
• why does it matter!! 
• 48. Do you sing in the shower?
• all the time 
• 49. Do you dance in the car?
• all the freakin time HAHA 
• 50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
• yessss 
• 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
• but i'm not photogenic :( 
• 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
• a bit la 
• 53. Is Christmas stressful?
• NO. GIFTS 
• 54. Ever eat a pierogi?
• what on earth is that 
• 55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
• apple :3 
• 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
• Police. HAHAHHA *snorts
• 57. Do you believe in ghosts?
• demonic spirits, yes. but I also believe God will protect me from it all so all's good :) 
• 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
• yessss! 
• 59. Take a vitamin daily?
• nope
• 60. Wear slippers?
• yes
• 61. Wear a bath robe?
• no
• 62. What do you wear to bed?
• my birthday suit. HAHA
• 63. First concert?
• school concert T.T 
• 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
• E-mart? 
• 65. Nike or Adidas?
• Nike
• 66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
• Cheetos
• 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
• Peanuts
• 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
• Everything Has Changed 
• 69. Ever take dance lessons?
• nope
• 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
• umm, not really 
• 71. Can you curl your tongue?
• yea
• 72. Ever won a spelling bee?
• nope
• 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
• yes hahaha
• 74. What is your favorite book?
• ummm rarely read 
• 75. Do you study better with or without music?
• depends. I think i study better when I want to study. with or without music is fine as long as my mind is set to study, no distraction can stop me 
• 76. Regularly burn incense?
• nope
• 77. Ever been in love?
• what really is love? 
• 78. Who would you like to see in concert?
• 1D please, or LAWSON ^_^
• 79. What was the last concert you saw?
• school concert!!!
• 80. Hot tea or cold tea?
• hot 
• 81. Tea or coffee?
• coffee
• 82. Favorite type of cookie?
• chocolate 
• 83. Can you swim well?
• yes
• 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
• yes
• 85. Are you patient?
• no haha
• 86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
• band 
• 87. Ever won a contest?
• uhhh i think so? 
• 88. Ever have plastic surgery?
• nope
• 89. Which are better black or green olives?
• neither
• 90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
• against it 
• 91. Best room for a fireplace?
• living room 
• 92. Do you want to get married?
• if the opportunity rises i guess i'd say yes? hahaha