Thursday, 8 October 2015

this may have inspired my next tattoo

i think everyone knows the saying "everything happens for a reason"

yep, it's true. the good, the bad, especially the bad, they all happen for a reason. 

recently something came up in my work, in short i made a mistake and it had me worried and stressed for days. i thought of all the worse case scenarios that can happen to me, and the more i think about it, the more i suffocated. how are you suppose to better the situation when you're subconsciously choking your own throat? you can't survive if don't allow yourself to breathe.. 

after a few days of being low, suddenly this serene feeling came over me. a thought entered my head - telling me that it will be okay. everything will pass, nothing is too hard to overcome, and nothing lasts forever. especially the bad things. :) this feeling soothed me a little, like, a small part of me believed everything will be alright in the end, but there's still a small part that's cautious because 'what if?'. 

and just yesterday, a lady from church asked me to play for their prayer meeting this Friday. honestly, i was very reluctant. i've always been. but somehow, after thinking about it and thinking of the situation i'm in, i thought to myself, "why not? might as well serve the Lord while i'm still alive." (i thought i was gonna be dead meat given the hot mess i got myself in at work) i replied her a little late and said, okay

to be really honest with you, i'm not a good Christian. sure i go to church every Sunday, sure i pray before meals (at home only), sure I play piano for mass, but you know what, i don't pray at night. i'm always so lazy to do so. and when i was in this mess, i thought of praying to save my ass, but i was too ashamed to do so. imagine, all those days when life was good not once did i turn to the Lord in prayer,.then now, when i'm in dipshit, i pray to Him for help?? the nerve, right? so yeah, i didn't pray to take away my problems. I got myself into this mess, so i had to get myself out. and there's also the fact that i realize i've been relying too much on my parents that i don't know how to make decisions for myself and that kinda sucks. which is part of the reason why i decided to save myself for once

what was the point of this post again?? hahaha i think i sort of strayed from the initial post i wanted to write. 

oh, right, everything happens for a reason. so what i'm trying to say is: maybe all these happened as a reminder that i can't survive on my own, it is one way or another God's way of calling me back to Him. I'd like to think that it was Him who sent the Holy Spirit to me and gave me that calm serenity i felt when I was drowning in woe. yes, that's a very nice thought. i'd like to believe it is.