tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4626919270639157722024-03-14T01:49:14.017+08:00So Totally Melo! ❤m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.comBlogger170125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-3312494176897070552022-09-06T21:07:00.002+08:002022-09-06T21:07:19.882+08:00i've forgotten how to...<p> put my thoughts into words. </p>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-3079984793464284282021-12-30T10:47:00.003+08:002021-12-30T10:47:59.683+08:00i write poetry for...<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; white-space: pre-wrap;">certain poetry is for the depressed</span></p><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="13i4i" data-offset-key="6n7mi-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="6n7mi-0-0" style="direction: ltr; overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="6n7mi-0-0">for those wanting to feel something, anything</span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="13i4i" data-offset-key="8pk1v-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="8pk1v-0-0" style="direction: ltr; overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="8pk1v-0-0">to feel so many feelings at once</span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="13i4i" data-offset-key="bqqc9-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="bqqc9-0-0" style="direction: ltr; overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="bqqc9-0-0">it suffocates them to the point of explosion, combustion</span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="13i4i" data-offset-key="e32nk-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="e32nk-0-0" style="direction: ltr; overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="e32nk-0-0">and finally,</span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="13i4i" data-offset-key="d96te-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="d96te-0-0" style="direction: ltr; overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="d96te-0-0">nothingness.</span></div></div>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-91545597384043500852021-11-03T08:53:00.006+08:002021-11-03T08:53:48.964+08:00i watched a movie last night, and it didn't make me feel what i wanted to feel<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> ❝I feel like this week you're looking around going<i> "How did you not notice I wasn't okay?"</i> and unintentionally placing blame on your loved ones for not taking the time out of their day to see this themselves❞</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFTNqQoW7vORCoYayBo-5BSl4c8fF4I6XYThnqj5eyVOjDPRI1G2BYIBi36cHpJslx-jR89M0na-gZ3qpmcGQeDnh_lnN6Ld_KCA2zidggJiYdk7wI3lFjnKWKauiBFqdGqH3JRUkDMRQ/s500/FDOVM8uUUAQ5fur.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFTNqQoW7vORCoYayBo-5BSl4c8fF4I6XYThnqj5eyVOjDPRI1G2BYIBi36cHpJslx-jR89M0na-gZ3qpmcGQeDnh_lnN6Ld_KCA2zidggJiYdk7wI3lFjnKWKauiBFqdGqH3JRUkDMRQ/s500/FDOVM8uUUAQ5fur.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvjfTvXAJBHZ_zoaclXykj-697qduRL2BbBhQJFZlq3eUAqdrDx_D8F9UjPsZEv4HREDo4tQQqBqRs2sQxjdoat5FQyQzu_nsWNbLsJzIHsw5Qp3dgVMFN5MIrfAUNkPbqu8er1qJR6hE/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvjfTvXAJBHZ_zoaclXykj-697qduRL2BbBhQJFZlq3eUAqdrDx_D8F9UjPsZEv4HREDo4tQQqBqRs2sQxjdoat5FQyQzu_nsWNbLsJzIHsw5Qp3dgVMFN5MIrfAUNkPbqu8er1qJR6hE/s16000/image.png" /></a></div><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFTNqQoW7vORCoYayBo-5BSl4c8fF4I6XYThnqj5eyVOjDPRI1G2BYIBi36cHpJslx-jR89M0na-gZ3qpmcGQeDnh_lnN6Ld_KCA2zidggJiYdk7wI3lFjnKWKauiBFqdGqH3JRUkDMRQ/s16000/FDOVM8uUUAQ5fur.png" /></div><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><p></p>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-1565330782549686292021-09-01T09:51:00.006+08:002021-09-01T09:55:32.258+08:00i hate feeling this way<p></p><blockquote><p><span style="font-size: x-small;"> <em style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif;">"there goes my heart</em></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">manifest outside of my body</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">draped in the towering silhouette of a most unusually handsome boy</em></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">magical and haunted</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">kinetic and tortured</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">ethereal and dangerous</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">cosmic</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">lawless</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">eternal</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">creative genius</em></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">the journey will likely be perilous</em><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">but there is no destination without him"</em></span></p></blockquote><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"></em></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px; text-align: right;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">-Megan Fox</span></em></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px; text-align: right;"><br /></p>thank you for this beautiful, beautiful poem, Megan Fox.<br /><br />not sure what side of the bed I woke up today, but somehow I woke up feeling extremely sad and emotional. Like everything that I've been trying my best to suppress just comes gushing out, all at once.<br /><br />I hate feeling this way, but I do miss it, somehow. <br />sometimes I think, "hmm... been a while since I felt the sadness, hasn't it? where's it gone to?"<br />then I tell myself I don't miss it, but secretly I wonder where that feeling went and whether I'll ever feel it again. Well, I guess it's never left, cause here it is again.<br /><br />I hate feeling this way; like I'm not good enough and don't deserve anything. You ever felt that way? Like you want something so bad, but you tell yourself you're not gonna get it. Because that's life, and because you tell yourself you don't deserve good things long enough you start to believe it.<br /><br />so what now? do I embrace this feeling, or do I suppress it like I always do? <br /><br />I'm sorry, my dear blog, for only coming to you when I'm sad. <br />you deserve better.<p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2c2c2c; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 12px; max-width: 620px; text-align: left;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></em></p>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-83907319615549424822021-05-04T00:10:00.000+08:002021-05-04T00:10:35.956+08:00Tokyo Ghoul<p>so i've been pretty into animes lately... something i used to go 'ugh can't relate' whenever someone mentions it. 😐 </p><p>anyways, there's just something about Tokyo Ghoul... it makes me feel things inside. i like what the author is trying to portray. maybe it reminds me of myself way back when i was posting sad quotes and shitnot from tumblr. that kinda vibe, that kinda feel. it stirs up something deep inside, y'know? even the protagonist's name sounds so cool - Ken Kaneki. he looks pretty darn cool too, especially the part when he... well, i don't wanna spoil it for you now. hahaha but it happens at the end of S1! and all of S2 too. i'm at S3 now and well, he sort of turned into someone else? someone more cheerful and idk it annoys me lol!! bring back broody, sad, angry Kaneki pls. -.- </p><p><br /></p><p>Tokyo Ghoul quotes dump: </p><p><br /></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i>“In choosing both, you lose both.”</i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i>“It's better to be hurt than to hurt others. Nice people can be happy with just that.”</i></span></p><p><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">“The wisdom that sleeps</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">In the written word</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">Is overcome by a despair</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;">That lurks within”</span></i></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i>“You’re always unsteady, ready to slip at any moment. That’s why everybody can’t take their eyes off you.”</i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i>“Why is it that the beautiful things are more intertwined in death more that life?”</i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><i></i></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixojb04umROVXwpVp136L6JMmADUsOyKaCZnWQYeg4RzEOHicZASmfwVNEdB-letTWeWk0X0NpoSSCxWXReHslWt-rEYQ1AkRvzUyFNJD07ePE6jXhZhKOAr3TfwCofwE7me8JCMm-8F8/s500/kenkaneki1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="283" data-original-width="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixojb04umROVXwpVp136L6JMmADUsOyKaCZnWQYeg4RzEOHicZASmfwVNEdB-letTWeWk0X0NpoSSCxWXReHslWt-rEYQ1AkRvzUyFNJD07ePE6jXhZhKOAr3TfwCofwE7me8JCMm-8F8/s16000/kenkaneki1.jpg" /></a></i></div><i><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6J9kSrJ800TXlI5gTrxIikCe1ZqDh-fLIO3VUaWBIt8UVsAkL_LhStNR8L8VfcXUnzgbeuUmxvph6bausHxCVXAVGtAiHi6gU9qJElWCb2oASobE6rcwaGLLgtJ34cYEx7OaHsXVrxA/s1280/kenkaneki3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6J9kSrJ800TXlI5gTrxIikCe1ZqDh-fLIO3VUaWBIt8UVsAkL_LhStNR8L8VfcXUnzgbeuUmxvph6bausHxCVXAVGtAiHi6gU9qJElWCb2oASobE6rcwaGLLgtJ34cYEx7OaHsXVrxA/w640-h360/kenkaneki3.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzDN-NuaqQ1prvNaBukAGD4cxpV74lzhMFaKhkzGXiOb8exiT6WHbuQNLasyANHSaT9GJ2UM2upGaZmQbKvEe9Lv7rihZS7Q_3NUx33WsuQ-pWRxL6ECvTSuoiSTsPG0IOwiUwZ3MO_bs/s640/kenkaneki4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzDN-NuaqQ1prvNaBukAGD4cxpV74lzhMFaKhkzGXiOb8exiT6WHbuQNLasyANHSaT9GJ2UM2upGaZmQbKvEe9Lv7rihZS7Q_3NUx33WsuQ-pWRxL6ECvTSuoiSTsPG0IOwiUwZ3MO_bs/w640-h640/kenkaneki4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>love their friendship <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy4BTRe0Uhlvas5jU3GX0xKxMWTCppRhl7cNgCVgRvEJJ2-CNeNTPkopFymw7LnRYHTDhp8g_IrLBIgyD6cqN4DJpD8pSIGw3sdAClkBMD-xFo2c5dk6N1pGqLF5lp6QDdHsh0nfRsNf8/s640/haisesasaki1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy4BTRe0Uhlvas5jU3GX0xKxMWTCppRhl7cNgCVgRvEJJ2-CNeNTPkopFymw7LnRYHTDhp8g_IrLBIgyD6cqN4DJpD8pSIGw3sdAClkBMD-xFo2c5dk6N1pGqLF5lp6QDdHsh0nfRsNf8/s16000/haisesasaki1.jpg" /></a></div><br /><br /></i><p></p>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-17655356950937353952020-12-25T11:33:00.003+08:002020-12-25T11:33:22.175+08:00你说把爱慢慢放下会走更远<p>"i'll be working on Christmas & NYE"</p><p><br /></p><p>in other words, i miss you tonnes, dad. especially more today.. if you were still here you'd be the one hyping us all up in the car after church. you'll be singing Christmas songs, or mocking whatever the radio DJ is saying. then we'll probably stop by to get pork, or fish, and then we'll head home and you'll pull out the karaoke set and start singing away while drinking your liquor. </p><p>life was beautiful back then, wasn't it? we didn't realize how easily it can all disappear, just like that, no warning, no sign. just <i>poof</i>, you're gone. no home karaoke performance from my singer/actor wannabee dad anymore. no hinting Christmas gifts anymore. no sudden bursts of anger in the car on the way to church anymore. no more complaints that i spend way too much time with friends anymore. </p><p>my heart hurts. i'm listening to the saddest songs on YouTube while typing this, hoping to bleed out whatever sad emotions that are buried inside for too long and are starting to surface. no one needs to see this ugly, messy puddle of emotions that i am. Blessed Christmas everyone. Christmas just isn't the same without you here, dad. Will we ever be able to enjoy Christmas? </p>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-4314135058229110072020-06-08T11:51:00.000+08:002020-06-08T11:51:34.207+08:00no wordsi know i shouldn't<br />
but sometimes i think back at the events that happened before you left<br />
everything just seemed like signs<br />
pointing slowly<br />
to the end<br />
<br />
there were things you asked me to do<br />
first was the xiaomi band which you told me stopped working<br />
and tasked me to find a shop to fix it<br />
then there was your sun glass lens which you asked me to help buy online<br />
cause you found a good deal<br />
which i nonchalantly shrugged off telling you it was just another fake website on facebook<br />
<br />
next thing you know<br />
the person who<br />
all those things you procrastinated doing for<br />
is gone<br />
and you're left wondering<br />
what if.. what if you did all those things<br />
would things turn out any different?<br />
<br />
i know i shouldn't<br />
<i>i really shouldn't</i><br />
but sometimes i think back at the events that happened before you left<br />
everything just seemed like signs<br />
pointing slowly<br />
<i>to the end. </i>m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-30654150096469022522020-03-14T22:29:00.004+08:002020-03-14T22:29:41.014+08:00nothing'sDiane: what's the point?<br />
Bojack: of anti-depressants? i believe the point is to be anti-depressed.<br />
Diane: sure. or, you just flip over the nothing and underneath there's more.... <i>nothing</i>. then you flip over that nothing, and there's more nothing underneath that. so you just keep flipping over nothing's, all your life, because you keep thinking under all that nothing there's got to be <i><u>something</u></i>. but all you find is <b>nothing</b>.m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-68377272427615083762020-02-21T22:13:00.001+08:002020-02-21T22:13:12.327+08:00tristessehello <i>sadness </i>my old friend<br />
<br />
this time it's different, unlike any kind of sadness i've ever felt. it's like i want to cry but can't. everything's like a roller coaster - sometimes i tell myself i need to be strong, that you're in a better place and everyone tells me you're <i>so </i>happy. i believe them. i believe you are in a better place, but every time my mind wanders, i feel this deep wave of sadness coursing through me.<br />
<br />
i can't believe you're gone. <i>i can't believe you're gone</i>..<br />
<br />
i won't deny there is anger inside of me. why? why you? why us? why now? just... <b><i>why? </i></b><br />
sigh, things i will never have the answers to. just the thought of you not being with us anymore while we're here on earth makes me think, what even is the point of living? what am i doing here, i don't know my purpose anymore. i'm just not strong enough. i don't even know how to find the words to say what i want to say, everything's jumbled up, everything's a mess, i'm a mess. i want you back, is that asking for too much?<br />
<br />
oh dad... if you're looking down at me, what are you thinking? when everyone tells us "your dad is always telling us how proud he is of you", i truly hope they mean it, and you meant it when you're oh so happily telling them about us. it sucks that now that you're gone, so suddenly, i can't help but think of all the things i should've done, could've done, but didn't. all the regret is sinking in and will probably live with me until i grow old enough to forget. there's just so many things i could've done better for you but didn't, and i don't know if i could ever live with myself for that.<br />
<i><b>we always think we have all the time in the world when we really don't. </b></i><br />
<br />
i love you, dad. with all my heart. and it tears me that you won't be with us anymore.<br />
<br />
there's so much more i want to say, but can't find the words to. maybe one day i will. but for now, let me just drown in this sadness until i hopefully learn to float. \\\<br />
<br />
<i>la tristesse durera toujours </i>❤<br />
<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-28375754923468394312019-10-02T00:33:00.004+08:002019-10-02T00:33:37.448+08:00all the things i wish i could tell you,but i kept it to myself.m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-13737133351548064772019-05-22T21:58:00.000+08:002019-05-22T21:58:51.495+08:00truth behind our reasoningDiane's monologue in Bojack Horseman S5E2 broke my heart:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
.... reason number 10 you go to Vietnam - because you got to leave to come home. </blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Mr Peanutbutter: Diane, I have something I need to tell you. I'm seeing someone, romantically, and it's not you. This probably isn't the best way to say it. </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
but none of those reasons are why you <i>actually</i> went to Vietnam. The <i>real</i> reason you go to Vietnam, is because you accidentally see your soon-to-be ex-husband kiss someone else. At first you think, "Oh, it's a fling. Whatever, they're drunk, it's a party." But then he puts his hand at the small of her back, <b>exactly</b> the way he used to do to you. It means 'I've got you' and when he did it to you it made you feel safe. And you realize, he will never do that to you again.<br />And it breaks your heart again after your heart is so broken that you thought it could never get any more broken. You thought it was safe, but it still somehow finds a new way to break. Because even though you're the one who asked for this, now that you've got it you are completely adrift. With no compass, or map, or sense of where to go, or what to do. So you go to Vietnam.<br />You think you might find community, a connection to something bigger, but.. you don't. In fact, you feel even more alone than you were before you left. But.. you survive. You learn that you can survive being alone. </blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Diane: I'm really happy for you, Mr Peanutbutter. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-65003720397870685922019-02-23T16:00:00.000+08:002019-05-22T21:39:56.440+08:00this blog deserves an updateheym e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-10912119342545815062018-09-30T15:24:00.002+08:002019-05-22T21:40:33.652+08:00call me by your name"If you remember everything, I wanted to say, and if you are really like me, then before you leave tomorrow, or when you’re just ready to shut the door of the taxi and have already said goodbye to everyone else and there’s not a thing left to say in this life, then, just this once, turn to me, even in jest, or as an afterthought, which would have meant everything to me when we were together, and, as you did back then, look me in the face, hold my gaze, and call me by your name."m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-22368732749607335382018-08-18T13:56:00.000+08:002018-08-18T13:56:07.194+08:00did some soul searchingthe walk to work feels extra long and winding these days<br />
maybe because i've been thinking a lot<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>is this what i really want? </i><br />
<i>am i really happy working this job?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"it's all smoke and mirrors" - whispers a voice in my head. i shut it out. but ponder on it after awhile. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>everyone here is so empty, so <u>hollow</u>, so busy, so occupied. </i><br />
<i>they barely have time for anything, working early hours to late nights. there's no time for family, no time for conversation. everything is work work work. and because of that, they're miserable. they're lonely. they're reduced to online dating apps, they sleep around to feel better about themselves... this is what i've gathered from being here for four months. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><b>four months</b>. in this four months, i've felt the emptiness, probably the same emptiness they feel, maybe worse, maybe milder. i've met nice people who motivate me to be better than i am now, to work harder to prove the people who look down on me wrong. i've met people who taunt and say nasty things about me, but i have no choice but to sit still and take it all in because they're higher up than me in the workplace hierarchy. politics. i guess this is what they mean all along. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
in the end it all boils down to this:<br />
i used to think this city is all i've ever wanted<br />
but i've come to realize that it is nothing without my family here. i want to go back, i probably will, unless something changes and makes me want to stay. i'm conflicted, a part of me feels that i shouldn't go back, things will be the same again.<br />
<br />
but then again, aren't things the same.. now?m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-65026592891335799482018-06-16T12:43:00.000+08:002018-06-16T12:43:34.043+08:00how do you save what does not want to be saved ? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiogBrTHUgiN_pnaeiACRdVoi3J6p95zElIPE-sIngdGNUIyRaD1deLjkVe6odd_H6iz52Yslec9JbJKzQUjus1aonZcjIi9eapeysQI_nceV6SjXJvF_sjKHeA_lC31J5sE0bzW5RkVQE/s1600/tumblr_ovzxnrCySv1s6fry1o1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="100" data-original-width="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiogBrTHUgiN_pnaeiACRdVoi3J6p95zElIPE-sIngdGNUIyRaD1deLjkVe6odd_H6iz52Yslec9JbJKzQUjus1aonZcjIi9eapeysQI_nceV6SjXJvF_sjKHeA_lC31J5sE0bzW5RkVQE/s1600/tumblr_ovzxnrCySv1s6fry1o1_500.png" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
what is this empty feeling and why is it visiting me more often and stays longer these days?<br />
<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-6842927262720013032018-04-24T23:19:00.000+08:002018-04-24T23:19:46.707+08:00undern e a t h <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgHlfHFHRiBYWQwIQqikSMxm17BDaFaOLElp9j5uka1PeIFaQpAcSKXuMoGgRi1tfztfKXtoZSX0BMqavxdLIdbu2jb1eFMnJ5WotRvOPBMCZBkGIe8zU7dRQujO6h_0-ZwGqaLD64fik/s1600/20171031_215336.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgHlfHFHRiBYWQwIQqikSMxm17BDaFaOLElp9j5uka1PeIFaQpAcSKXuMoGgRi1tfztfKXtoZSX0BMqavxdLIdbu2jb1eFMnJ5WotRvOPBMCZBkGIe8zU7dRQujO6h_0-ZwGqaLD64fik/s400/20171031_215336.jpg" width="300" /></a> hello, from the other side.<br />
<br />
issa mixed feeling kinda night. i miss everything and i'm doing my best to suppress everything, to keep it all below surface.<br />
<br />
i don't want to stay stagnant, but at the same time, being tough is kinda... well, <i>tough</i>. i want things to stay the same, but i can't have that without myself staying the same as well. y'know what i mean? i want to be better than i was yesterday but i can't do that if i don't change my surroundings.<br />
<br />
which is why i'm here.<br />
but why am i so <i>so</i> sad?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-64153356838962323022018-02-28T10:17:00.004+08:002018-02-28T10:17:46.902+08:00won't you ? <div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #14171a; font-family: "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #14171a; font-family: "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“I love you more than my own skin and even though you don’t love me the same way, you love me anyways, don’t you? And if you don’t, I’ll always have the hope that you do, and I’m satisfied with that. Love me a little. <b>I adore you.</b>”</i></span></div>
m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-91786092208699525602018-02-22T13:28:00.002+08:002018-02-22T13:34:53.046+08:00you make flowers bloom in the saddest parts of me you're like that limited edition makeup i laid eyes on and couldn't stop thinking about<br />
but didn't save up enough to get you on launch day<br />
so I convinced myself I didn't need you, you're just a want not a need<br />
days go by<br />
and then people started posting pictures of you, glorious, pretty,<br />
everything I need, <i>maybe</i>?<br />
but it was already too late, you were already out of stock.<br />
<br />
maybe if I needed you that much I should've just taken the plunge and spent my savings on you,<br />
maybe I should've just dived without thinking of the consequences<br />
maybe if I had taken a chance I wouldn't be in this predicament<br />
<br />
wondering, pondering, thinking<br />
if I had just splurged, would I be happier now? or would you be just another makeup in my pile.<br />
<br />
I wish that were true.<br />
and when I say that, I mean that<br />
I wish you were like makeup<br />
so easy to obtain, so easy to have.<br />
All I had to do was save up, and you're mine.<br />
<br />
<b>but you're not makeup</b><br />
you're much more than that<br />
<br />
maybe you're that limited edition makeup I laid eyes on and couldn't stop thinking about<br />
so I cashed out all my savings and went to the store to make you mine<br />
but by the time I arrived<br />
you sold out.<br />
<br />
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<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-27778650484937554662018-01-02T00:00:00.000+08:002018-01-06T20:17:58.552+08:002018here we go again, another round of new year resolutions. gonna keep it super simple and reachable this time:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>spend less on makeup, invest in skincare instead </li>
<li>treat myself to facials, massages, salon hair treatments more often</li>
<li>reduce credit card usage, especially on shopping </li>
<li>go jogging and hit the gym at least twice a week!</li>
<li>be more confident </li>
<li>smile at strangers </li>
<li>let things go, especially things that aren't meant for me</li>
<li>treat my family to dinner/lunch/or just snacks! more often </li>
<li>increase my savings! </li>
<li>stay in touch with friends instead of waiting for them to make the first move </li>
<li>pray more</li>
<li>finish my puzzle</li>
<li>complete the 45-day leg challenge </li>
<li>reduce cholesterol and uric acid levels!! </li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i guess that's it. a few are really similar to last year's resolution. i don't think these are even resolutions, they're more like a reminder to myself to be better than what i am now. hehe </div>
<div>
it's a new year again, hopeful for bigger and greater things this year. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-91899581846226329652017-07-07T22:18:00.001+08:002017-07-07T22:18:43.308+08:00blogging from my tumblr feed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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indifferent.m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-84748445914468847142017-07-03T23:12:00.003+08:002017-07-03T23:12:25.514+08:00everything starts and ends with .who decides these things anyways?<br />
who gets a say in how anyone should live their life in order to be considered <i>successful</i>?<br />
<br />
and how exactly do you define success?<br />
don't tell me by how much money someone has? by the amount of fake friends and happiness someone gains access to with their wealth?<br />
<br />
idk. why are we all given such standards to live by? who who who is a xxx, you have to be that and above, nothing less. who's to say what profession you are determines who's more superior? who made all these rules and why are we abiding by it?<br />
<br />
<br />
who else is pushed into society's pressure and is enrolled in a course they're not even sure of, just because according to society "it will bring you a good future".<br />
what's a good future if you're dead inside. if you're not happy with what you are. or what if the good future that's promised never came?<br />
<br />
yeah. let that sink in and tell me whether conforming to what everyone else is doing is what this life is all about. but hell, how many of us would actually break the rules and live by their own rules?<br />
<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-53122014717893812892017-06-03T15:06:00.000+08:002017-06-03T21:32:45.689+08:00Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor *uncontrolled fangirl mode* <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="background-color: orange;"><span style="color: #990000;">-spoiler alert- </span></b><br />
<b style="background-color: orange;"><span style="color: #990000;">just a silly rant post by yours truly. </span></b><br />
<br />
needless to say, i've watched Wonder Woman and am currently tending to my Steve Trevor/Diana Prince <i>almost</i>-love-story hangover. gahh i mean, it's Chris Pine!! beautiful, <i>beautiful </i>Chris Pine. *swoons*<br />
<br />
<br />
this may be just me, but i like a little love story in these superhero movies. but as it <i>is </i>a superhero movie after all, there has to be more world saving/kick ass battling than the mushy love stuff. which i think is balanced perfectly in the latest Wonder Woman movie. I mean it really helped that Wonder Woman's lover is Chris Pine. :p<br />
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<br />
i mean, look at him? looking so fine and all.<br />
<br />
<br />
anyways, i loved them together in the movie!! *fan girl squeal*<br />
<br />
from the moment they met, how Diana so innocently tells Steve how she was made from clay by Zeus himself as if it were the most natural way to be brought to life. and Steve obviously in disbelief, eyes widened and just says "that's neat" hahaha. the chemistry was there, and it was funny.<br />
<br />
i liked how the movie brought them together. they're both pretty attractive (duh) but i love how the movie didn't emphasize on the whole "love at first sight oh you're <b>the one</b>" crap. nope. they got to know each other slowly, and in the scene where Chris brought Gal to pick out new clothes to fit in, you can see from the way he looks at her that he's obviously attracted to her but tries to control it and wants to make her stand out less, him being a spy and all. if it were a love story, i bet they would've created this scene in slow-mo, haha but i guess they can't do it in a superhero film as it would be weird. but i'm glad they didn't exclude it.<br />
<br />
fast forward to the fighting scene. they were at the front line, Wonder Woman sees all the distraught war victims and wants to save them all. Chris insists that there are limitations and that you can't save everyone that it's impossible and that they have to keep moving forward. WW was angry and ditches them and goes forward. Chris, of course, had no choice and followed suit, risking his life, battling beside her. (not everyone has superhuman agility and bullet-reflective shields fyi wonder woman.)<br />
<br />
ANYWAYS, at this scene WW turns and sees Chris beside her and she smiles. that too is a show of affection and you can feel them growing closer.<br />
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fast forward to them winning the battle and celebrating in the small town with drinks and songs and dancing. So Chris asks her to dance and they did. standing closer than ever, <i>wooooooo</i>. i can't remember if they kissed here, i think they didn't. but they did kiss when they got back to the room. yasssszzzzz.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkZKNntBrITrvzJKpcZhbC5jFv9lbVN0EjweoqqAYazv7Pm3yNjcYBouJ6_xk9bF2vIdazx52o0p7FVCc9YzNdFCVuLBd4idKQLP5c1BEkpJSrq5o0nDXBQBgdErGIw5HoBVB9SDCTfhY/s1600/Chris-Pine-Wonder-Woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkZKNntBrITrvzJKpcZhbC5jFv9lbVN0EjweoqqAYazv7Pm3yNjcYBouJ6_xk9bF2vIdazx52o0p7FVCc9YzNdFCVuLBd4idKQLP5c1BEkpJSrq5o0nDXBQBgdErGIw5HoBVB9SDCTfhY/s1600/Chris-Pine-Wonder-Woman.jpg" /></a></div>
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but boohoo, it was fast forward to world-saving again and they were back to business.<br />
<br />
anyways, long story short they were fighting different battles - WW with Ares and Chris & team trying to stop the plane loaded with poisonous gas from taking off. so Chris came up with a -not so brilliant- plan on how to stop the plane. yah know. sacrifice and all that shit for the greater good. WHY THO?!<br />
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on the other hand, WW was losing badly she lost her sword and all and i was like tf is she gonna beat the God of War with?? lol. so as she was thrown to the ground by Ares, Chris squeezes in time, runs up to her, and says the sweetest thing that made my heart feel so whole and also so broken BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. like how is that possible but yeah it happened.<br />
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he said something like this:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Steve: I have to go.<br />
WW: where?<br />
Steve: the plane, i need to stop it.<br />
WW: I can do it. let me do it.<br />
Steve: No. it has to be me. Let me save the world today, and you save the world tomorrow. (refering to Wonder Woman's battle with Ares)<br />
*Steve places watch in WW's hand*<br />
Steve: I wish we could've had more time.<br />
I love you.</blockquote>
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(this is purely from memory i'm too lazy to Google the exact lines, but now that i've typed it out it just sounds weird LOL but i can't find them anywhere on the internet darn)<br />
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<br />
and off Steve goes on his suicide mission to save the world from the poisonous gas. :( i half wished Wonder Woman would save him but i guess we can't all get what we want. SIGH. <br />
so there WW lay on the ground, watching the plane Steve was on light up in flames in the sky. she screams and suddenly she had all the power in the world to kill Ares. lol i guess it takes losing someone you love to gain some extra power you never knew you had. BOOOOHOOOOOOO.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGGc5tqMSQX1u7nkFxhGf1iBpzk28kiAVhA61xIzwIfhKwoeDGwD2mkYsVCY918Km9sYxqnpkUYDHCZ1sAovibj76BKAX577YQ1wmFtYKBFIaYgauNOStsAC3rTqbDAVPRzK2urx5M-1I/s1600/unnamed37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="960" height="380" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGGc5tqMSQX1u7nkFxhGf1iBpzk28kiAVhA61xIzwIfhKwoeDGwD2mkYsVCY918Km9sYxqnpkUYDHCZ1sAovibj76BKAX577YQ1wmFtYKBFIaYgauNOStsAC3rTqbDAVPRzK2urx5M-1I/s640/unnamed37.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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adding this pic of half naked Chris to cheer myself up as i'm getting a little too emotional for someone who saw the movie 24 hours ago.<br />
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so to end this rather pointless post of mine, i just want to say that i love how Wonder Woman pushes Steve to be brave, to fight for what is right. and i love how Steve taught Wonder Woman how important love is, that it may be just what the world needs to save itself. in a way, even though it was Wonder Woman who led men into battle, it was a particularly brave man who gave her the strength she needed to finish off the battle.<br />
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"<i>thanks for bringing him back to me</i>" - Wonder Woman writes to Batman in present time as he sent her a copy of the original photo taken of her and Steve Trevor, and also his watch. :)<br />
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love love love. can they do a spin off to this love story? so at least i can drool a little while longer at Chris Pine. on the other hand, i don't mind Wonder Woman with Batman. hahha!!!<br />
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-end-<br />
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<br />m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-16891310296493259332017-04-27T08:53:00.001+08:002017-05-08T21:41:56.962+08:00selfish <blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Asking you to carry me </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I stayed ignorant to your needs. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Love wasn’t what I gave you </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">it was weight: a heavy dose </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">of sorrow and pain to blame </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">for my mistakes. I wanted </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">to be better, and some days </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I think maybe I was. My love </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">was never for you; it was selfish. </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">It was rushed. <b>I wanted you </b></span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><b>to need me; I’m afraid I always will</b>, </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">but you’ve seen real love now. </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Selfish just won’t do. </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">You’ve done better than outgrow me; </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">you left me high and dry. </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">You knew exactly what I needed </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">to open up my eyes.</span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">- Mariah Gordon-Dyke</span></blockquote>
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saw this piece on facebook. it's so beautiful i just had to have it up on my blog. :) m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-22301055033387770522017-04-25T20:37:00.005+08:002017-04-25T20:37:57.315+08:00v o i dit's tearing me apart that <b><i>nobody</i> </b>makes me feel anything anymore. since when did my heart stop skipping ?<br />
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i'm back to where i've tried and tried and <i>tried</i> to avoid. i'm exasperated. i can't do this anymore. no matter how happy i am, how much i try to focus on the good, i <i>always</i> come back to <b><i>this</i></b>.<br />
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<b><i>this</i> </b>empty feeling like i can never be truly happy<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">this </i>hollow in my heart like i can never be whole, that i can never belong because i'm not normal. who gets this sad this often?<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">this </i>void inside that i can feel so strongly, like i can just reach out and grasp it.<br />
<br />
<br />
i feel numb, numb of all the emotions swirling inside of me that i don't feel anything. does that even make sense? when everything inside of you goes haywire, bursting of sadness and anger and confusion and whatever emotion there is out there to feel, i don't know. i just stop feeling things. it's like everything is moving but i refuse to. i stand still, when everyone else is moving forward.<br />
<br />
oh God.. this has got to stop. i have got to stop feeling so shitty about myself and start living my life. how many days of work am i behind?!<br />
<br />
i can't keep up<br />
i can't breathe<br />
but instead of doing something about it, i find myself staring into the abyss, not giving a fuck about anything. just let me crash and burn, at least that'll make me feel something. <br />
m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-462691927063915772.post-20085739324430034762017-04-16T13:50:00.001+08:002017-04-16T13:50:17.928+08:00sighit's supposed to be a feel good day.<br />
but just like that everything came crashing down. darn you pms<br />
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and when i'm unhappy.. i do the only thing i know - i buy stuff to fill the void.m e l ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03338143616171620541noreply@blogger.com0