Friday, 7 July 2017

blogging from my tumblr feed



Monday, 3 July 2017

everything starts and ends with .

who decides these things anyways?
who gets a say in how anyone should live their life in order to be considered successful?

and how exactly do you define success?
don't tell me by how much money someone has? by the amount of fake friends and happiness someone gains access to with their wealth?

idk. why are we all given such standards to live by? who who who is a xxx, you have to be that and above, nothing less. who's to say what profession you are determines who's more superior? who made all these rules and why are we abiding by it?

who else is pushed into society's pressure and is enrolled in a course they're not even sure of, just because according to society "it will bring you a good future".
what's a good future if you're dead inside. if you're not happy with what you are. or what if the good future that's promised never came?

yeah. let that sink in and tell me whether conforming to what everyone else is doing is what this life is all about. but hell, how many of us would actually break the rules and live by their own rules?

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor *uncontrolled fangirl mode*

-spoiler alert- 
just a silly rant post by yours truly. 

needless to say, i've watched Wonder Woman and am currently tending to my Steve Trevor/Diana Prince almost-love-story hangover. gahh i mean, it's Chris Pine!! beautiful, beautiful Chris Pine. *swoons*

this may be just me, but i like a little love story in these superhero movies. but as it is a superhero movie after all, there has to be more world saving/kick ass battling than the mushy love stuff. which i think is balanced perfectly in the latest Wonder Woman movie. I mean it really helped that Wonder Woman's lover is Chris Pine. :p

i mean, look at him? looking so fine and all.

anyways, i loved them together in the movie!! *fan girl squeal*

from the moment they met, how Diana so innocently tells Steve how she was made from clay by Zeus himself as if it were the most natural way to be brought to life. and Steve obviously in disbelief, eyes widened and just says "that's neat" hahaha. the chemistry was there, and it was funny.

i liked how the movie brought them together. they're both pretty attractive (duh) but i love how the movie didn't emphasize on the whole "love at first sight oh you're the one" crap. nope. they got to know each other slowly, and in the scene where Chris brought Gal to pick out new clothes to fit in, you can see from the way he looks at her that he's obviously attracted to her but tries to control it and wants to make her stand out less, him being a spy and all. if it were a love story, i bet they would've created this scene in slow-mo, haha but i guess they can't do it in a superhero film as it would be weird. but i'm glad they didn't exclude it.

fast forward to the fighting scene. they were at the front line, Wonder Woman sees all the distraught war victims and wants to save them all. Chris insists that there are limitations and that you can't save everyone that it's impossible and that they have to keep moving forward. WW was angry and ditches them and goes forward. Chris, of course, had no choice and followed suit, risking his life, battling beside her. (not everyone has superhuman agility and bullet-reflective shields fyi wonder woman.)

ANYWAYS, at this scene WW turns and sees Chris beside her and she smiles. that too is a show of affection and you can feel them growing closer.

fast forward to them winning the battle and celebrating in the small town with drinks and songs and dancing. So Chris asks her to dance and they did. standing closer than ever, wooooooo. i can't remember if they kissed here, i think they didn't. but they did kiss when they got back to the room. yasssszzzzz.

but boohoo, it was fast forward to world-saving again and they were back to business.

anyways, long story short they were fighting different battles - WW with Ares and Chris & team trying to stop the plane loaded with poisonous gas from taking off. so Chris came up with a -not so brilliant- plan on how to stop the plane. yah know. sacrifice and all that shit for the greater good. WHY THO?!

on the other hand, WW was losing badly she lost her sword and all and i was like tf is she gonna beat the God of War with?? lol. so as she was thrown to the ground by Ares, Chris squeezes in time, runs up to her, and says the sweetest thing that made my heart feel so whole and also so broken BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. like how is that possible but yeah it happened.

he said something like this:

Steve: I have to go.
WW: where?
Steve: the plane, i need to stop it.
WW: I can do it. let me do it.
Steve: No. it has to be me. Let me save the world today, and you save the world tomorrow. (refering to Wonder Woman's battle with Ares)
*Steve places watch in WW's hand*
Steve: I wish we could've had more time.
           I love you.

(this is purely from memory i'm too lazy to Google the exact lines, but now that i've typed it out it just sounds weird LOL but i can't find them anywhere on the internet darn)

and off Steve goes on his suicide mission to save the world from the poisonous gas. :( i half wished Wonder Woman would save him but i guess we can't all get what we want. SIGH.
so there WW lay on the ground, watching the plane Steve was on light up in flames in the sky. she screams and suddenly she had all the power in the world to kill Ares. lol i guess it takes losing someone you love to gain some extra power you never knew you had. BOOOOHOOOOOOO.

adding this pic of half naked Chris to cheer myself up as i'm getting a little too emotional for someone who saw the movie 24 hours ago.

so to end this rather pointless post of mine, i just want to say that i love how Wonder Woman pushes Steve to be brave, to fight for what is right. and i love how Steve taught Wonder Woman how important love is, that it may be just what the world needs to save itself. in a way, even though it was Wonder Woman who led men into battle, it was a particularly brave man who gave her the strength she needed to finish off the battle.

"thanks for bringing him back to me" - Wonder Woman writes to Batman in present time as he sent her a copy of the original photo taken of her and Steve Trevor, and also his watch. :)

love love love. can they do a spin off to this love story? so at least i can drool a little while longer at Chris Pine. on the other hand, i don't mind Wonder Woman with Batman. hahha!!!


Thursday, 27 April 2017


Asking you to carry me I stayed ignorant to your needs. Love wasn’t what I gave you it was weight: a heavy dose of sorrow and pain to blame for my mistakes. I wanted to be better, and some days I think maybe I was. My love was never for you; it was selfish. It was rushed. I wanted you to need me; I’m afraid I always willbut you’ve seen real love now. Selfish just won’t do. You’ve done better than outgrow me; you left me high and dry. You knew exactly what I needed to open up my eyes.

- Mariah Gordon-Dyke

saw this piece on facebook. it's so beautiful i just had to have it up on my blog. :)

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

v o i d

it's tearing me apart that nobody makes me feel anything anymore. since when did my heart stop skipping ?

i'm back to where i've tried and tried and tried to avoid. i'm exasperated. i can't do this anymore. no matter how happy i am, how much i try to focus on the good, i always come back to this.

this empty feeling like i can never be truly happy
this hollow in my heart like i can never be whole, that i can never belong because i'm not normal. who gets this sad this often?
this void inside that i can feel so strongly, like i can just reach out and grasp it.

i feel numb, numb of all the emotions swirling inside of me that i don't feel anything. does that even make sense? when everything inside of you goes haywire, bursting of sadness and anger and confusion and whatever emotion there is out there to feel, i don't know. i just stop feeling things. it's like everything is moving but i refuse to. i stand still, when everyone else is moving forward.

oh God.. this has got to stop. i have got to stop feeling so shitty about myself and start living my life. how many days of work am i behind?!

i can't keep up
i can't breathe
but instead of doing something about it, i find myself staring into the abyss, not giving a fuck about anything. just let me crash and burn, at least that'll make me feel something.

Sunday, 16 April 2017


it's supposed to be a feel good day.
but just like that everything came crashing down. darn you pms

and when i'm unhappy.. i do the only thing i know - i buy stuff to fill the void.

Wednesday, 12 April 2017


blogging from my twitter archive:

the way you were filled with passion talking about your aspirations. you were so sure of what you wanted in life, and how to get there.

and that stuck with me. somehow i just couldn't forget that look on your face. can I say I fell in love with your certainty?

maybe i just wanted to say that a part of me will always beat for you.

and that today's sunset made me think of you but I fought the urge to let you know.

Damn fucking mood swings


"We sat on the floor trying to fix each other, all the while knowing there was no way we could."


Next thing you know you're not yourself anymore and you don't know how you let that happen.

Sunday, 2 April 2017

i stopped trying because i don't think i'm for you.

you are going to live for the way they breathe in the cold December air, watching as their chest rises and falls like your very heartbeat. you are going to live for the way their pupils dilate when they talk about something they are truly passionate about, when their cheeks flush from a compliment or the unexpected brush of your foot against their leg. 

Friday, 17 March 2017


my chest is pounding with so much things i want to write out but honestly, there's nothing. i have nothing to say, it's all just jumbled up thoughts thumping against my chest, as if wanting me to break. i don't know how i end up like this again. i thought i was getting better? i thought i was making progress. i thought i could finally be happy, and carefree. 

but i am happy and carefree, aren't i? if so, then what's with all the empty sad songs playing on YouTube? meh. screw everything. i just don't see how all this would ever stop. i'd just be happy then one day i'd get bad again. i'd get bad and go back to where i started - sad. and hollow

it's just the way things are. it's the way i am and probably always will be. 

now off i go to shower the sad away. 

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

feelin' the blues

Love, Rosie is one of the best chick flicks out there don't argue with me. 

and it's making me feel all the feels rn. T_T 

Sam Claflin & Lily Collins! thank you for playing out the roles perfectly, i don't mind if you two dated in real life too. (but mf Sam is married ugh) 

i have nothing much to say, just that the movie is making my insides squirm and feeling all kinds of weird. like how your stomach feels when you're bout to vomit. rn my insides are like that and i'm about to puke out feelings. 

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

"you have to love yourself and everyone around you before it's too late." 

Monday, 2 January 2017


hey guys. just dropping in for a short post on new year resolutions. no, don't cringe please. i just really want to make a change in my life once and for all. stop living the way i have always been, go out there and actually do something to turn my life around. :)

hopefully i'll stick by these resolutions.

  • instead of spending so much money on makeup, actually put all that makeup to use! explore new looks, find what looks best in what occasion. be creative! and no, you don't need that lipstick (especially liquid ones, i find that they tend to change texture after awhile eews) because you have wayy too many shades to actually finish them all! expired make up = wasted money. 
  • - avoid malls at all cost - because gurlfriend y'know your self control game ain't shit.
  • please start saving some moolah for your trips. last minute ain't cool. every time you get tempted by makeup, tell yourself that you could be travelling & seeing new things/places/maybe a hot guy or two. in short, just STOP BUYING MAKE UP or WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY ON!!!!
  • please at least try to be early.
  • please stick to a healthier lifestyle. don't forget you're checking your cholesterol / uric acid again in June. get your shit together and actually run. run until it doesn't feel like a chore, run until your fats don't shake when they cry. urgh jiggly legs/arms/TUMMY, uhm just nope. 
  • stay on your diet. if you're hungry and it's way past eating time, distract yourself. the hunger will go away. 
  • exercise. exercise. exercise!! no lame excuses, no ditching gym for FOOD, NO. only one cheat/rest day per week. 
  • please, be a little less sadistic and a little more positive. 
  • try to be happy. and actually enjoy it. 
  • start reading books during free time instead of constantly refreshing your twitter feed. 
  • start watching dramas again, and actually finish a damn drama and not stop at episode 4 like you always do. 
  • stop being picky and get a new job. 

okay. these are all i can think of now. nothing too heavy, right? achievable and realistic resolutions. ha ha only thing these are exactly opposite of me. it's gonna be tough but let's see how this year goes. :)