Beastly

 "I was just scared that you didn't..."

"didn't what??" 

"love me...."


" but you took one look at me, and still said you've seen worse. and somehow, when I'm with you, I don't feel ugly at all. " 

"that's because you're not." 

Lindy and Kyle - Beastly

今晚有点开心不起来。。

怎么了？好久没有这么low了。有时候就是因为自己多事，每次都在脑里安排这安排那，结果最后做不到，然后就伤心一整天。
不可以这样了。不要再折磨自己了！

人勒，就是要活得快乐，不要让这种小事毁了一整天。
可是我真的好想哭，好想哭。。
同时也很想笑，笑我的一无所有！一个人怎么可以可怜到什么都没有啊？可笑的是，我就是真的什么都没有。
期待那么久了，结果一切破灭。人都这样的吗？说话一点都不算话。

despite everything

gosh i've no idea why I'm suddenly so obsessed with having the 'vampire look'. damn it. hahaha. but yeah I think vampires are really pretty.

so I splashed on tonnes of BB cream, but still not fair enough. >:(
if you were wondering, the pic above is edited to make myself seem fairer.
i love it HAHA <3

I'm a noob when it comes to eye shadow. can never apply it. I dab it on but nothing's there.
what more to say the fierce vampire look, the no-smile seductive face. damn I can't get that face without looking like i'm suffering from constipation. *cry*

I'm just really happy with the pic above cause it's the most decent vampire look I pulled off.

 this is non-edited. yay to good lighting. :D
I only did the make up for one of my eye. just to see the difference but there wasn't much difference. -_-
I really need to learn how to use eye shadow! I need it to emphasize my vampire look yo. tsk tsk.

okay that's it for this post. was feeling super vain :p

and super sad. did you know I actually opened the hidden box that I've kept deep inside of me and unleashed all the monsters inside? and being kept for so long, these monsters are angry, hungry, and excited, they will hunt you down and .. cause havoc. that's just how I am tonight. like a tsunami wrecked city, with everything inside of me turned upside down. feelings I've never wanted to feel suddenly became so real. it shouldn't be there, it should be where it was, hidden, from everyone else and also myself. I function better that way.

Believe it or not, I do not want to feel.

you used me but see the thing is, I don't mind.

old pic of the rainbow mirror screen protector I used. (it sucked)


today's a pretty bad day. but I liked the way I handled it. I actually confronted and just say what I have to say instead of bottling it up like I always do. that's amazing, though I sure hope I didn't cross any lines.

you never know what would happen if you don't say things out. ahh don't really feel like talking about it. I'm not really myself lately. I wonder what happened.

maybe i'm a vampire

ever noticed how flawless vampires are? must be because they sparkle.
and yes, that's Brad Pitt.

x
so I have a friend who has this special ability, where she can just let everything go and move on with her life, the moment she tells herself it's time. I really admire that part of her, how strong she is.


well the thing is, I too have a special power of my own. I can be so much in denial until I forget how much something is supposed to matter, because I keep telling myself that it doesn't. I can shut down my feelings and pretend it never crossed my mind.

on good nights, I end up laughing about it; on bad nights however... I go over to Twitter to rant my heart out, and replay sad emotional songs all night. haha. that's how I roll. and lucky you, or rather, lucky me, tonight's a good night. :)

sometimes I feel like I'm a vampire though, like in Vampire Diaries, the vampires can switch off their feelings. what are feelings for anyways? it's so humane, who needs it?

most vampirey photo I can find of myself. eee old pic with my long loooooong hair.
anyways, every vampire needs a hot partner to spend eternity with, right?


so here's mine:

oh bby <3

He turned me btw. and I must say I don't mind at all. 

blood > friendship

they say blood is thicker than friendship, I cannot agree more.

 when you're in trouble you will know who your true friends are.
 who will be there for you and who would just turn a blind eye.

today I fell in love..

this song. this song!! 

never knew I'd be so in love with a song. this is seriously one of the best songs I've ever heard. not overrated like some. the girl's make up is nice, especially the little heart. I loved the piano part at the beginning, and throughout the song as well. and the lyrics! <3 

you're hard to hug,
tough to talk to
and i never fall asleep, when you're in my bed
all you give me is a heartbeat
i've turned into a statue
and it makes me feel depressed
cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed

you don't love me,
big fucking deal
i'll never tell, you how i feel
you don't love me, not a big deal
i'll never tell you how i feel

it almost feels like a joke to play out the part
when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
you know i'd rather walk alone, than play a supporting role
if i can't get the starring role.

sometimes i ignore you so i feel in control
cause really, i adore you, and i can't leave you alone
fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong
come on, baby, let's just, get drunk, forget we don't get on

you like my dad, you get on well
i send my best, regards from hell

it almost feels like a joke to play out the part
when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
you know i'd rather walk alone, than play a supporting role
if i can't get the starring role

i never sent for love, i never had a heart to mend
because before the start began, i always saw the end

yeah, i wait for you to open up,
to give yourself to me
but nothing's ever gonna give, i'll never set you free
yeah i'll never set you free

it almost feels like a joke to play out the part
when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
you know i'd rather walk alone, than play a supporting role
if i can't get the starring role.

"Starring Role" - Marina and the Diamonds