Tuesday, 25 April 2017

v o i d

it's tearing me apart that nobody makes me feel anything anymore. since when did my heart stop skipping ?

i'm back to where i've tried and tried and tried to avoid. i'm exasperated. i can't do this anymore. no matter how happy i am, how much i try to focus on the good, i always come back to this.

this empty feeling like i can never be truly happy
this hollow in my heart like i can never be whole, that i can never belong because i'm not normal. who gets this sad this often?
this void inside that i can feel so strongly, like i can just reach out and grasp it.

i feel numb, numb of all the emotions swirling inside of me that i don't feel anything. does that even make sense? when everything inside of you goes haywire, bursting of sadness and anger and confusion and whatever emotion there is out there to feel, i don't know. i just stop feeling things. it's like everything is moving but i refuse to. i stand still, when everyone else is moving forward.

oh God.. this has got to stop. i have got to stop feeling so shitty about myself and start living my life. how many days of work am i behind?!

i can't keep up
i can't breathe
but instead of doing something about it, i find myself staring into the abyss, not giving a fuck about anything. just let me crash and burn, at least that'll make me feel something.

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