okay

if it's not okay, it's not the end. hold on, pain ends. you'll be okay, you'll be okay.

everything will be okay :)

it's like you want the pain to end, but you don't mind it staying

someone requested i blog more. haha. sometimes it makes me feel like what's the point? no one would bother to read anyways. all visitors/comments i get are spams. pfft

anyways, working life is so so. nothing much going on, still clueless about life. which got me thinking, maybe this is life. you don't grow up to a certain age and just suddenly figure out all there is to life. nope. that's the thing about life - you never know what's ahead, what's next, you just dive right in in hopes that whatever decision you make changes your life, in the best way possible.

there are many things in our lives that we get to decide. we are, in fact, in control of our own lives. we can't decide how our day will go, but we get to choose how we handle it. on top of that, we also get to choose who hurts us, who affect us, who breaks us apart.

i'm no good at decisions. i suck at it, actually. you ask me what i want to eat, i'll tell you that i'm fine with anything. you ask me whether your new hair cut suits you, i'll tell you "okay ah." the rare times, however, that i do make my choices, well let's just say that - they suck. people watching me make my decisions cannot fathom why i do the things i do, when i know very well it's the wrong choice, that this decision of mine will break me and tear me into a million pieces. they say you're blinded by your own decisions. i'm not. i know exactly what i'm doing to myself, and yet i still stick by my choices. i've always been a fool, but only because i choose to. i don't, however, know why i choose to be this dumb. maybe i just like to feel the burn. i'd like to think that who knows? maybe this time round it'll work. it never does. because i reach for things that are way beyond my limits, things that do not belong to me. it's like wanting to live in the Sun, knowing that her heat will destroy you, yet still holding to that strand of hope that maybe, maybe the scientists got it all wrong. do you see how dumb I am?!


anyways, here's the end of my rant. my life will not be my life, if i gave up on all these things that make me sad. don't get me wrong, in a very weirdly twisted way, i like being sad. i don't know why. it's like you want the pain to end, but you don't mind it staying.

stop
doing
this
to
yourself .

falling apart

my dog passed away yesterday. and my cat's been missing since last night.
every passing minute without the sound of her bell, i just can't shake the feeling that chances of getting her back is close to nil.

what would i do without her?
i honestly can't fathom my life without her. nothing can ever fill her place in my heart.


you see, this is why i choose not to feel. don't fall in love with people, they always leave. and when they do, you're left broken, shattered. like how i am now. just thinking about the future pains me. what if? yeah, what if.

this is why i only let myself fall in love with things. because things never leave. they stay and remind me of my accomplishments. so please understand that this is the reason i love things more than people.  

helllew

”It’s funny how i thought
I was good at hiding my
fellings, but then strangers
started asking me what was
wrong and why I looked so
tired and that’s when I 
realized you didn’t care 
enough to notice”

By: Simone // relhavant


x
i cannot be more grateful to tumblr for providing me with so many source of sad posts like this. :) 
anyways, i'm still searching for a nice quote to ink on my inner arm!! been searching high and low but everything I want is either too long or too.. sad. T-T 

nothing lasts forever

you can't be fixed by the same person who broke you




Stop setting yourself on fire for someone who stays to watch you burn.




words to live by.
nothing lasts forever. love is non existent. people who say they love you and that they mean well for you end up breaking their promises. it's like nothing is real anymore and you don't know what the hell are you doing with your life. nothing is okay and you just feel like dying. you want something to take away the pain. so you use physical pain to distract you from the real pain - the aching of your broken heart.

DO YOUR WORST

saw this on tumblr and decided to give it a go x 

DO YOUR WORST

• 1:Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
• it wouldn't be much of a hassle really
• 2:Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
• single bahaha
• 3:What if I told you that you were pretty?
• I'd say "thank you. I get that all the time"
• 4:Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
• nope
• 5:Are you interested in anyone right now?
• probably, maybe? i prefer if the feelings part don't come in though. 'cause feelings are messy and lead to expectations and all that shit. it's just messed up
• 6:What are you looking forward to in the next week?
• hmm. getting my shit together? haha. it's a dear friend's birthday and also probably an answer for something i've been waiting for months!
• 7:Do you want to be single?
• i am single
• 8:Did you go out or stay in last night?
• I stayed in. 
• 9:How late did you stay up last night?
• watched "For a Good Time, Call.." last night til 230am xD
• 10:Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?
• hahahahahaha. i'd much rather not. 
• 11:Last three things you had to drink?
• water, lime juice, water
• 12:Have you pretended to like someone?
• no haha. why would anyone pretend to like anyone?
• 13:Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
• noooooo
• 14:Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
• HAHA ERM. I DO NOT THINK SO
• 15:Is it hard for you to get over someone?
• depends. if there are many hot guys around for me to drool over, then yes I can get over that someone. However, leave me at home alone with my thoughts and i'll stay hung up forever!
• 16:Think back five months ago, were you single?
• yes
• 17:What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
• probably watching a movie. or warming up lunch for my brother
• 18:Hold hands with anyone this week?
• does my cat count?
• 19:Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
• hahhaa peer pressure buddy, peer pressure.
• 20:What would you name your future daughter?
• uhm. it used to be Gabriella, but I'm not so fond of the name anymore. maybe Victoria. it sounds like a nice name haha
• 21:Do you miss anyone?
• no
• 22:Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
• haha! no. it's funnny cause i know someone who did.
• 23:Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
• nope
• 24:Are you good at hiding your feelings?
• I think so. 
• 25:Have you ever cried from being so mad?
• yes I have. countless times in the past 
• 26:Who did you last see in person?
• Doreen muh bitch
• 27:Are you listening to music right now?
• no ahaha. just me and my brain thinking
• 28:What is something you currently want right now?
• money?? hahahaha or maybe an iPad. oh wait, a job!!! 
• 29:What is the last thing you said out lot?
• ??
• 30:How is your heart lately?
• haha it's fine. thanks for asking
• 31:Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
• yea, if i owned one
• 32:Are you wearing socks?
• nope
• 33:What do people call you?
• they call me melo :) 
• 34:Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
• haha nope
• 35:Are there any stressful situations in your life?
• kinda. I'm bummed that most of my friends are working now. leaving me alone in life of unemployment :( 
• 36:Who did you last share a bed with?
• my cat
• 37:Did you do something bad today?
• nope. I'm a good girl. except maybe the part where I stared at the hot guy's hot bod just now at the park. in my defense, it was him who decided to go shirtless in a public park!
• 38:When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
• erm, does a half hug count? if not then it was probably valentines. 
• 39:Do you get stressed out easily?
• nope. I'm a chill person
• 40:Will you sing today?
• haha nahhh. it's late
• 41:Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
• a lot of times actually. like when your friend has food stuck in her teeth, I DO NOT FREAKIN KNOW HOW TO BREAK THE NEWS TO HER. or how bout if you did something not so good, how are you supposed to tell your parents?? hahaha
• 42:Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?
• tbh, i rarely talk about my feelings so yea. but for other matters, i do have specific friends that I turn to. it depends on who i think would relate to what i want to talk about
• 43:Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
• noppeee
• 44:What are you listening to right now?
• the sound of my cat chasing her collar around my room? hahaha
• 45:What is wrong with you right now?
• i'm poor
• 46:What is on your wrists right now?
• my new tattoo? MUAHAHA
• 47:Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wea
• i got it from Philippines. 
• 48:What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
• hot choc
• 49:Do you make wishes at 11:11?
• haha yes I Do. 
• 50:Are you a good artist?
• I wish!! 
• 51:Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
• uhm, I guess so. If not for love, where would we be huh 
• 52:Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
• hmmm I guess so. but I'm hoping the future leads me to more exciting adventures :) 
• 53:Ever been on a golf cart?
• sadly no
• 54:Do you have trust issues?
• hahaha no idea. i don't think so
• 55:Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?
• those were the days
• 56:Do you own something from Hot Topic?
• nope
• 57:Do you use chap stick?
• nope
• 58:Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
• no haha
• 59:Do you have a little sister?
• nope
• 60:Have you ever been to New York?
• nope :C 
• 61:Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
• errr of course they meant it! hahah
• 62:Have you hugged someone within the last week?
• not sure but i think not
• 63:What were you doing at midnight last night?
• watching a movie. we've gone through this!
• 64:Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
• nope
• 65:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
• yes :) 
•