every now and then the stars align

...and you can either be over the top happy.. or depressingly sad

so how am i feeling now.. i feel unappreciated. honestly, i don't think i am wrong at all! i did nothing wrong, why did you have to lash your anger out on me? i did everything you wanted me to, ever since i was a little girl. study hard, learn the piano, take up engineering. what did i do that isn't your will? what you wanted?

every expectation you want i give, and yet it is not enough. at first you were proud of me, but eventually, you grew weary of my 'good', and soon my 'good' is not good enough. don't ever think i'm not aware, you just want me to be your idea of perfect. but i'm sorry i'm not, i'll probably never measure up to what you want me to be, but am i not good enough? trying my best to please you all these years, and now because of one small fault, i'm asked to pack my bags and leave?

maybe, maybe one day i will. i'll leave and we'll see whether anyone self can satisfy your level of good, 'cause i sure as hell am not, and never will be good enough. 

if you ever come back

“

you were in love when I met you
and I was just a silly girl who needed to learn how to breathe.
I watched you fall apart the summer after she broke your heart
and I would have given everything I had to keep you together,
to give you the breath I had so desperately just gotten back.

you don’t know this,
but I would go mute, everyday for the rest of my life,
as long as I could hear your voice, have your hands in mine, 
and know what it feels like to have you love me
the way that I love you.

if the power went out all over the world,
I would pack a bag and spend my days walking towards
you. 
you are who I think about when everything goes dead
when everything breathes life
when everyone forgets.

”

—	Amanda Helm - You don’t know this  this is beautiful. people who can write such sad words inspire me. I wish i'm half as talented as them.

because i'm feeling a little less than i should

"

1. Always take pictures of the sky when it’s pretty, it probably won’t ever look like that again.
2. Wear that skirt you like, even if you’re mom says it’s too short.
3. Take off the dark eyeliner and nail polish once in a while, you’ll feel lighter.
4. Chop off your hair if you want, it will grow back eventually.
5. Count the freckles on your arms and draw lines between them, your skin is like the night sky.
6. Sleep under six blankets with the fan on high in the middle of the winter, the sound is soothing.
7. Tell that boy to stop touching your thigh, even if it is flattering.
8. Say thank you and flash a smile when your sister says that your outfit is ugly.
9. Raise your hand when you know the answer, even if the class is all upperclassmen.
10. Read that book again, you’ll notice something you didn’t the first time.
11. Don’t drink too much caffeine, you’ll get the jitters and bomb your math test.
12. Wear pencils behind your ears, it’s convenient.
13. Try to talk to people, it won’t kill you.
14. When a cute boy tries to cheat off your test, write the wrong answers and change them later.
15. It’s ok to feel happy, don’t let other peoples sadness make you feel bad.

"

- advice for sad teenage girls that own too many flannels

xx

i got this post from tumblr. and something about it just suits my mood.
i've been feeling so suckish lately, and it seems almost impossible to get back up on my feet. i'm sorry to all the people who had to endure my rants, God knows i never wanted to burden you with my sorrow, i just needed a release :(

i'm expecting better days ahead. please come soon.