///

my chest is pounding with so much things i want to write out but honestly, there's nothing. i have nothing to say, it's all just jumbled up thoughts thumping against my chest, as if wanting me to break. i don't know how i end up like this again. i thought i was getting better? i thought i was making progress. i thought i could finally be happy, and carefree. 

but i am happy and carefree, aren't i? if so, then what's with all the empty sad songs playing on YouTube? meh. screw everything. i just don't see how all this would ever stop. i'd just be happy then one day i'd get bad again. i'd get bad and go back to where i started - sad. and hollow. 

it's just the way things are. it's the way i am and probably always will be. 



now off i go to shower the sad away.