idk anymore

idk anymore. i look at my life, i have so much to be thankful for but i'm sad, i'm crying, and i refuse to feel anything else. the death of my cat has taken it's toll on me. sometimes i think about it and i just go blank. my mind goes blank in denial of it all. i refuse to believe. and it's been over a month. 

i am so sad. i just want all my feelings to be taken away from me. i want to sing my heart out, but it's hard. can people accept the fact that you're sad 24/7? will they think i'm a freak? 

i don't want to be the one that brings down everyone's mood. can someone please take me back to the good old days?