but why does it have to be so hard?

if i just poured my heart out to you, how would you react? no, i don't mean it in a confession-of-my-undying-love-for-you way, the kind of pouring i mean is where i just drop down all the walls that i've built over the years, strip them all down, and share with you every bit of insecurity, secret, and feeling i have inside this tainted heart of mine.

tell me, how.would.you.react? i bet you wouldn't be able to find any word to say.


that's the thing about people. we're not good at expressing. i'm the worst at expressing. i just shut down whenever someone tells me something i don't know how to react to. i remember telling a friend that sometimes i lie awake and think: why did my cat have to die? if only it didn't happen that day, if only she were still alive. yep. i rarely say things like these and just felt like testing the water that day. i wasn't particularly sad or anything when i said it, i just said it to see how he would react. upon hearing me say that, he became the most awkward creature to walk our earth. he wouldn't even look at me! i don't even remember him saying anything in reply to it. yep peeps. we are all so used to bottling things up we don't know how to react when someone actually has the guts to spill their feelings. what is this??

i blame it on our Asian culture. we're all too uptight and wired and angry and roaming around with a mask on our face, wanting to show the world we're in a better state than we actually are. why? why do we do that?

is it not acceptable to not be okay once in a while? i mean, this life isn't easy. i think we all deserve a break from our habit once in a while. have that cake you're constantly avoiding because you're scared of the calories. cake is good, cake listens and cake heals. bahaha. oh cake also makes you fat.

but heck, who am i to say anything about people not knowing how to express when I myself don't know shit when it comes to consoling others. we all have a long way to go in expressing. it shouldn't be this hard. maybe we just need to learn to let go a bit.


:)