亲爱的你别走

boo. yes, i'm alive. time for some long overdue writing. 

x

remember my previous post? i shared this really beautiful post about loving someone going through depression. at one part, the author mentioned his lover having days where she couldn't even get up from the floor. where she couldn't even go on with her day. 

i was puzzled at the time when i read it. was it possible to feel that big a wave of sadness? sure i feel sad occasionally but never til that extent. well, jinxed on me. i felt that suddenly just now when playing tennis. it just.. happened. 

i don't know how or where it came from, it just hit me. there i was, standing in the middle of the court, not wanting to do anything, but still standing there for the sake of pleasing my dad. (he gets really upset if we skip our weekend tennis games) my game was lousy. i tried and tried until i wanted to just throw my racket and drive home. but i didn't. i stayed, continued, as if nothing was bothering me. but it was there. it never left. that sad feeling inside of me. i swear i wasn't thinking about that post at the time but in my head all i could think of was wanting to go home and just collapse on my bedroom floor and cry. then my mind thought of the post i read, and i just paused and took in the feeling. so this was what the author's lover was going through. this was how she felt as she lie helplessly on the floor.  

honestly, she's really lucky to have found someone who stayed that long. how do you find someone who understands and is willing to be there for you despite knowing they can't do anything to make you feel better. isn't there any cure? something, anything to make the sadness go away?