i have this problem..

"i have this problem where i isolate myself from civilization and then get upset because i feel lonely"

okay. very the emo tonight. i'm not particularly sure why, but i'm pretty sure i'll regret sleeping this late tomorrow morning. (i still have to work at 7am omg!) 

it's been a rough day, emotionally, for me anyways. i really can't help this feeling, idk why i'm feeling like this. I used to treat him as my comfort, thinking about him calms me, soothes me. but now, the sight of him makes me want more, so many things i want to know about him. his name, his age, his life, just.. everything about him. i sometimes imagine us sitting together, just talking, getting to know each other, laughing with each other, everything is just.so.perfect. i think my superb imagination is the reason for my sadness. -.- i'm actually serious. i think i'm just in a very bad mood, cause I know it's happening. i'm getting attached. to someone i don't even know! but i want to know him. but the window of opportunity just never presents itself. and even when it does, i'm too shy. fuck. like just fuck it. why am i like this, such a mess. why can't i be so pretty he sees me from miles away and be intrigued by me and want to know me more? why can't things just be easier for me? or more importantly, why can't I just be more realistic? why do I always like guys who are so out of reach? lmao. stupid. this is just one of the many stupid things i do in my life lah. just in case you wanted to know more about me. ha ha

i went shopping with sin khiew this afternoon. i think it's funny sometimes, how you were so sure you want to buy something, but when you return to the shop it just isn't as nice as you remembered. :( so yeah, didn't buy my bag OR wallet, just pants and a new top. haha. that kinda lifted my mood a little. i love new things <3 also bought a backpack from Zalora just now. :B i think shopping really does cheers my heart up a little. but i still can't stop thinking of the Nose bag just now. it was so perfect. as if made for me. :( but it's a whopping rm193.90. if i buy it then i won't have money left to save!! :\ i hate this kind of dilemma!! ughghg. i hope it's still there when i finally decide to buy it argh. :( :( 

so yah. first post in this blog where i actually treat it like a diary. haha. i think i actually felt better after writing this post. :) 

i'm positive things will get better, for me. besides, i have more important things to worry about.