welcome to new york

define adulthood? when exactly are you a legit adult?

i think one distinct sign you're turning 'adult', is when oil price starts to have an effect on you.

when we were young, we didn't have to worry about things like this. we needn't worry about details. everything is provided - food, shampoo, etc

but now? now that I'm officially an adult, I actually worry when fuel price rises. why? simple. because it burns a hole in my pocket every time i fill my car. it even makes me reluctant to travel, watching the fuel level drop. *ouch* it's just too much to bear, especially at the end of the month. (true story bruh)

okay anyways, I came back from holiday just recently and went to fill my car with fuel. to my surprise, the oil price is much cheaper! it went down while we were away. :O
i was happy at first, excited at my savings. i don't even mind travelling the extra mile now.

sadly like everything else, happiness is temporary. guess which adult isn't too please with the fuel price going down anymore? me. me me me

the drop in fuel price worldwide means drop in economy. which also means oil companies are losing money, which indirectly is saying that they won't spend so much. which leads to budget cuts, retrenchments, and adults (me) ranting pointlessly on their blogs as if it'll in any way help bring up the economy or the currency.

if you don't understand the crap i just wrote on my blog, then you're too young. you're probably still a teenager living life recklessly and spending your parents money on lame ass shit like Maple MOL points or Dota 2 stuff or branded shit, depends on what your preference is really.

you know what? do not stop. continue, be reckless, spend excessively (but don't cause your parents to go bankrupt lah of course BE SENSIBLE seriously), do stupid shit. because you're young!! do not ever try to be adult when you're still so young, you have the rest of your life to be adult and the worst part is there's no turning back.



i'm not saying that being an adult sucks, sure the freedom is good, the money is good, but there's just too much to worry about suddenly and i'm not so sure if i'm coping well lel

it's like i want to buy everything i (feel i) deserve, but at the same time i can't spend too recklessly as before because what if suddenly I need a huge sum of money for something?? I can't go running to my parents for allowance anymore, i'm earning my own money! to think i used to be so broke as a teenager. haha good times, good times.



so hello, adulthood.
i
am
in
you


and i intend to embrace you
                               (please embrace me back) 

how do you explain it without sounding unsound?

does it make you crazy? to think he saw you

okay

if it's not okay, it's not the end. hold on, pain ends. you'll be okay, you'll be okay.

everything will be okay :)

it's like you want the pain to end, but you don't mind it staying

someone requested i blog more. haha. sometimes it makes me feel like what's the point? no one would bother to read anyways. all visitors/comments i get are spams. pfft

anyways, working life is so so. nothing much going on, still clueless about life. which got me thinking, maybe this is life. you don't grow up to a certain age and just suddenly figure out all there is to life. nope. that's the thing about life - you never know what's ahead, what's next, you just dive right in in hopes that whatever decision you make changes your life, in the best way possible.

there are many things in our lives that we get to decide. we are, in fact, in control of our own lives. we can't decide how our day will go, but we get to choose how we handle it. on top of that, we also get to choose who hurts us, who affect us, who breaks us apart.

i'm no good at decisions. i suck at it, actually. you ask me what i want to eat, i'll tell you that i'm fine with anything. you ask me whether your new hair cut suits you, i'll tell you "okay ah." the rare times, however, that i do make my choices, well let's just say that - they suck. people watching me make my decisions cannot fathom why i do the things i do, when i know very well it's the wrong choice, that this decision of mine will break me and tear me into a million pieces. they say you're blinded by your own decisions. i'm not. i know exactly what i'm doing to myself, and yet i still stick by my choices. i've always been a fool, but only because i choose to. i don't, however, know why i choose to be this dumb. maybe i just like to feel the burn. i'd like to think that who knows? maybe this time round it'll work. it never does. because i reach for things that are way beyond my limits, things that do not belong to me. it's like wanting to live in the Sun, knowing that her heat will destroy you, yet still holding to that strand of hope that maybe, maybe the scientists got it all wrong. do you see how dumb I am?!


anyways, here's the end of my rant. my life will not be my life, if i gave up on all these things that make me sad. don't get me wrong, in a very weirdly twisted way, i like being sad. i don't know why. it's like you want the pain to end, but you don't mind it staying.

stop
doing
this
to
yourself .

falling apart

my dog passed away yesterday. and my cat's been missing since last night.
every passing minute without the sound of her bell, i just can't shake the feeling that chances of getting her back is close to nil.

what would i do without her?
i honestly can't fathom my life without her. nothing can ever fill her place in my heart.


you see, this is why i choose not to feel. don't fall in love with people, they always leave. and when they do, you're left broken, shattered. like how i am now. just thinking about the future pains me. what if? yeah, what if.

this is why i only let myself fall in love with things. because things never leave. they stay and remind me of my accomplishments. so please understand that this is the reason i love things more than people.  

helllew

”It’s funny how i thought
I was good at hiding my
fellings, but then strangers
started asking me what was
wrong and why I looked so
tired and that’s when I 
realized you didn’t care 
enough to notice”

By: Simone // relhavant


x
i cannot be more grateful to tumblr for providing me with so many source of sad posts like this. :) 
anyways, i'm still searching for a nice quote to ink on my inner arm!! been searching high and low but everything I want is either too long or too.. sad. T-T